Afterburn
by Casey's Cupcake
Summary: Madeleine Coventry was starting a new life, with a job promotion and the man she's loved since she was eighteen years old by her side. But the rivalry between her ex-boyfriend, Kelly Severide and her childhood love, Matthew Casey complicates things. Will Madeleine ever find happiness? Sequel to "Between Fire and Ice"
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I did not need this now. My life was finally going in the right direction after three years of floundering around, wondering what the hell I was doing. In the last twenty-four hours, I had been handed a dream job and had reunited with the love of my life. I felt like the light was finally beginning to dawn on me and with one thirty second phone call, the light was doused.

"Goddamn him," I said out loud as I slammed my phone on the bedside table. I would not let Kelly Severide rule me. No man would ever rule me. As much as I loved Matthew, I wouldn't allow him to direct my life and I would be damned if I would let a man with whom I'd had a three month fling make me feel powerless. How dare Em let him use her phone to call me. What the hell was she thinking? She knows how I feel about Matthew. She also knows that Kelly was just a temporary distraction for me. I would deal with her on Monday. I was not going to let anything ruin this Sunday spent in the company of the one man I had waited for my entire life.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I had hoped I would end up spending the night with Matt, but didn't prepare for it. Packing an overnight bag would have seemed presumptuous and a little slutty, in my opinion. But now here I was with nothing to wear but the clothes I had worn last night. I combed through my hair and wrapped a towel around me before rummaging through Matt's closet hoping to find something suitable to wear down to breakfast. The smell of coffee and bacon had wafted up the stairs while I had been in the shower and my stomach started to grumble.

"_That's an attractive sound, Coventry," _I said to myself as I found a Blackhawks jersey to wear. It hung loose and came to just above my knees. I searched the bedroom floor for my black lace panties and blushed when I realized they were still on the dining room floor where Matt had removed them. It had been an amazing night. One that I would never forget no matter what happened from this moment forward.

"Hey! Breakfast is ready, sleepy head!" I heard Matt call from the bottom of the stairs.

"Be right down!" I hollered back as I quickly pulled on a pair of his boxer briefs and warm socks from his dresser drawer. There were a lot of things I could do without panties, but eating breakfast was not one of them. I hurried down the stairs and was greeted by the site of the dining room table fully set. Heaping plates of eggs, bacon and pancakes were set in the center of it. The most Kelly ever did for me the morning after was pour me a bowl of cornflakes. Just then, Matt entered the dining room holding a pot of coffee in one hand and a pitcher of orange juice in the other.

"Jesus, Matthew...it's like waking up in a four star hotel. It looks amazing," I said, staring in disbelief at the array of food in front of me.

"No...THAT is amazing, Maddy. That Blackhawks jersey has never looked so good!" he said, pointing at me.

"Then I guess you won't mind me wearing these, too...I couldn't find mine," I said, lifting the jersey and showing him I was wearing his underwear. He ran straight at me, hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me to the living room. I squealed as he laid me down on the couch, positioning himself on top of me.

"I could get used to this...waking up with you here," he said before giving me another toe curling kiss.

"Me too," I said as I crushed my mouth to his and ran my hands through his short-cropped hair. Matthew Casey. After sixteen agonizing years. I still couldn't believe it. We laid there for a few more moments, staring at each other. I had loved him for almost half my life, yet we had been apart from each other for all that time. It still hadn't sunk in that it was actually happening...and that phone call from Kelly didn't help. What the hell could be behind Kelly's motives? It certainly wasn't love. If anything, it was probably his insatiable need to win where he and Matt were concerned. Goddamn him and his foolish boy's games. He had put me in the middle and I more than a little pissed off.

"Hey...what's the matter, Maddy? You're body stiffened right up and you feel tense," said Matt. He had a puzzled look on his face. The last thing I wanted was for him to know Kelly had called me. I hated to think what would happen, but I had a feeling a showdown would eventually take place between the two of them. Kelly wasn't one to bow out gracefully and Matt never shied away from a confrontation.

"Nothing...just hungry...and I think I smell toast burning," I said, stroking his cheek with my fingers.

"Shit! I forgot!" said Matt as he jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen. I heard the vent over the stove go on as small wisps of smoke billowed out into the hallway between the kitchen and dining room. Matt returned holding two burnt pieces of toast and wearing a sheepish grin. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked so adorable...sort of like a puppy that got caught making a mess on the rug.

"I guess we're not having toast," I said, trying to suppress my giggles.

"Not unless you want the entire fire company to join us for breakfast. The toaster's fried!" he said, grinning. His smile got me everytime. We sat at the dining room table and began to eat.

"I meant to ask you earlier, but we got, ummm...busy, but why would Walter Addison be calling you on a Sunday?" asked Matt. In the flurry of activity yesterday, I had forgotten to tell him my news.

"Because he called me yesterday morning to tell me that as of Monday, I am the interim Director of Assessment and Referral at Lakeshore," I said as I munched on a piece of bacon.

"What? Why? How?" asked Matt, sounding completely surprised.

" I don't know the details yet. I have a meeting with Addison tomorrow morning," I said.

"Awww, baby...that's great! My girl's a big executive," he said as he got up from his chair and leaned down to kiss me again. I tried hard to ignore the fact that he called me 'baby'...that was a Kelly thing and I certainly didn't want Matt to reference it.

"Your girl?" I asked with a grin. He used to call me that way back when and I hadn't heard that phrase since then.

"You have always been my girl, Maddy," he said, looking into my eyes before gently pulling me to a standing position and kissing me again. "_Let go, Madeleine...let yourself believe this is happening and be happy for the first time since you were eighteen,"_ I heard my inner voice say. I wanted to so badly...but the memory of Kelly's phone call loomed largely in the background. Son of a bitch...I hope Em reamed him a new asshole. I knew I would have to deal with him again...and soon, before Matt finds out and blows. Also hanging in the back of my mind was Hallie. They had eight years together and there was no guarantee that they wouldn't resume that. Perhaps I was just a distraction for Matthew the way that Kelly was for me.

"Maddy...you're tensing up again. Is there something you're not telling me?" he said, gently shaking my shoulders and almost scolding me. I couldn't tell if his look was one of concern or curiosity. Either way, I was not telling him about Kelly's phone call.

"Just nervous about tomorrow...that's all," I said. He pressed his lips to my forehead and held me close.

"You'll be fine, Maddy...you're smart, talented and more than qualified. Addison wouldn't have offered you the position if you weren't," he said.

"I wish I could go to Lakeshore tomorrow just like this," I said, wrapping my arms around him and laying my head on his chest. I felt safe for the first time in a very long time.

"You'd violate the dress code and the CEO would revoke your position," he said, looking down at me.

"Only if he's not a Blackhawks fan," I said, looking up at him with a grin.

"And only if he's dead from the neck down," he said, rubbing his nose to mine.

When we had finished eating, Matt brought in the Sunday paper and we sat on his couch with our legs entwined, reading and sharing the sections as we finished the pot of coffee together. It was almost as sensual as making love together...the rustling of the paper, the warmth of his legs on mine, the feel of his hands on my toes, the occasional knowing glances we shared...it was like a symphony...simple, pure and beautifully orchestrated. This, by far, was the happiest I had been in a very long time.

After finishing the paper, we snuggled up together on the couch and watched a marathon of the Star Wars trilogy. Occasionally, Matt would turn to me and give me a soft, deep, wet kiss. After the third time, my puzzled look must have caught him off guard.

"I just need to remind myself that you're really here with me and not something I'm imagining," he said quietly. I slowly changed my position and straddled him, holding his face in my hands and looking into his eyes.

"Matthew...," was all I managed to whisper before pressing my lips to his and kissing him softly. I could feel his body respond underneath me as his hands lifted the jersey over my head. He buried his face between my breasts as I held the back of his neck, his tongue swirling around each nipple. I tugged at his t-shirt, pulling it off of him and running my hands over his chest. His breathing became more rapid as my fingers moved slowly over his skin, down to the buttons on his jeans. His erection was pushing against the buttons as I undid each one, eventually revealing what was underneath. He gently turned and pushed me down into the couch and slowly pulled the pair of boxer briefs I was wearing off of me. He pushed his jeans off and laid on top of me, kissing my mouth tenderly.

"Jesus, Maddy...what you do to me," he said, just before he pushed himself into me. A little gasp escaped my from my mouth as he began to slowly thrust in and out. My body ached for him from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I flung one leg up on the back of the couch and sunk my nails into his firm ass, shifting my hips to meet his movements. He groaned and arched his back, pulling taut all the muscles in his neck as I worked my fingers into his flesh. I could feel my orgasm approaching as he thrust faster and harder. I thrashed underneath him as I came, grazing my nails down his back as he softly bit at the skin on my neck. He looked directly into my eyes as he came, shuddering and spasming, before collapsing on top of me. He kissed me slowly and softly, sweeping my mouth with his tongue, before laying his head on my chest. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled the afghan from the back of the couch over us. He grabbed my right hand in his left and pulled it to his mouth. We fell asleep wrapped inside our little cocoon, clinging to each other.

When I woke up, the room was dark except for the soft glow of the television. I looked out the front window to see light snow falling in the light of the street lamp. Matthew was still asleep on top of me and I could barely move. I didn't know how long we had been there, but my back was stiff and my thighs were sore. I guessed it was after 6:00 PM but had no real idea of what time it was. I would have to get home soon. I hated to think of this perfect day coming to an end. I didn't want to let him go, not even for a moment. I had waited a very long time to have a day like this with him and the thought of going home to my dark, empty house filled me with dread.

"Matthew?" I said softly, running my fingers in his hair. He lifted his head slowly off my chest and looked at me with sleepy eyes.

"What time is it?" he asked, yawning.

"No idea, but it's dark and it's snowing. I have to get home soon," I said, trying not to cry. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to spend the rest of my life right here on his couch with him next to me...or on top of me, as the case may be.

"Don't go...stay with me...stay the night," he said.

"Matthew...you know I would love to, but I can't. I have a really big day tomorrow that I need to be ready for...and you need to get your truck," I said, looking at the disappointment on his face.

"You're right...I just...don't want to let you go," he said, kissing me again. One more kiss like that and I would sell my house and move in with him. He was perfect and he was mine at last.

Matthew got up and pulled his jeans on as I wrapped myself in the afghan and walked upstairs. I changed into my dress from last night, gathered the rest of my things and stuffed them into my clutch. I picked up my cell phone from the bedside table to call Em, but it had gone dead from not being charged. She would have to wait until I got home. I walked slowly down the stairs into the entry hall. Matthew was waiting by the front door.

"Did you forget these?" he asked, swinging my black lace panties from his finger.

"Smart ass," I said as I grabbed them and stuffed them in my clutch with the rest of my underwear.

We drove to my house in relative silence. The sadness in the air was almost palpable as we pulled into the driveway. We walked inside together and Matthew picked up his keys from the table in the entry hall.

"This is so silly, Matt! We're both acting like we'll never see each other again," I finally said, trying to lighten the mood. He took me firmly by the arms and backed me against the wall.

"We were apart for sixteen years, Maddy...I don't want to be apart from you now for even sixteen seconds...not after losing so much...more than you know," he said. He seemed frantic, almost desperate in his manner. It worried me a little as I had never seen him like this.

"We have a whole lifetime ahead of us, Matt," I said.

"Do we?" he said before kissing me again. I held him tight as his lips met mine with an urgency I hadn't felt before.

"I love you, Matthew...that's never going to change," I said as he pulled away from my mouth. The look on his face almost broke my heart in two.

"I love you too, Maddy...I'll call you tomorrow," he said before opening the door and getting into his truck. Tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive away, partly because I didn't want him to go and partly because I was worried about his state of mind. He had seemed so desperate in our last few minutes together and I had no idea where it had come from. I told myself that it was because we had spent years apart and still had so much to learn about each other and nothing more.

I walked up the stairs to my bedroom and changed out of last night's clothes. I plugged in my phone and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt as it charged. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and decided to order a pizza and invite Em over. She probably hadn't eaten much all day and I had promised I would call her...two birds, one stone. As the charge came up, I heard Em's text tone. I picked up the phone and read it.

"_Hey...sorry...zoned out. Got drunk with Severide and watched baseball...nothing else. I swear on Guthrie's life. See ya 2moro boss...I loves ya...Em xx"_

I felt a sudden rush of anger that came out of nowhere. "_Oh yes, Emily Morrison...you would see me tomorrow. Of that, you can be certain." _ I


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I woke up well before my alarm went off. It was the first time in weeks that I had slept well...almost too well. I told myself that being back together with Matthew was the magic bullet. The glimpses of a perfect life with Matthew lingered in my head as I showered...him and I snuggling on the couch after breakfast, sharing the paper, watching TV...and making love...it was what I had always dreamed about. Banal to some, but beautiful to me. My perfect day with Matthew wasn't without its warts, thanks primarily to Kelly and Em. Nowhere in that dream were images of an ex-boyfriend threatening to not give me up or my best friend going after that ex-boyfriend before he'd even washed my fingerprints off of his body. I couldn't allow myself to get lost in the drama; I had too many other things to occupy my mind today.

I needed to dress for success this morning. I was meeting with the CEO and would be introduced to the other department heads. I had met most of them in the 15 months I had worked at Lakeshore, but now it would be in my official capacity and I wanted to make a good impression. Before heading downstairs, I chose my outfit for the day...a black skirt with a white chiffon blouse...classy, elegant and feminine, but still very professional. Searching the top of my dresser for my pearl jewelry, I came across Kelly's medallion. He had given it to me the Sunday after having dinner at Matt's house. I was reluctant to take it at the time, but he insisted saying it would protect me. Kelly could be sweet when he wanted to be. I let my mind wander back to his phone call to me yesterday, then quickly pushed it out of my head. I knew I had to talk to Kelly at some point, but I couldn't think about that today.

I made some toast and a cup of tea and brought in the morning paper from the front porch. As I sat on my couch to read it, I was reminded of my day with Matthew. It was one of the most beautiful days I had ever had from beginning to end, not counting Kelly's call...or Matt's odd behavior as he left my house after picking up his truck. It was as if no time had passed between us. Matt and I fit together like a hand inside a glove. It felt natural to be with him. It always had, from the moment we had our very first date. I looked around my house as I finished breakfast and it suddenly seemed different to me. I felt as though I were finally home and not just going through the motions, not appreciating everything around me. The colors in each room seemed warmer and more vibrant than they had before. I credited Matthew with the change in outlook. I was happy with my life, despite the blemishes it still carried. I would take care of them soon enough.

I arrived at Lakeshore thirty minutes early and promptly headed to my new office. I still had a key from when I had filled in for Conway at the Department Head meeting a couple of weeks earlier and I wanted to settle in before my meeting with Addison. Upon entering the room, I immediately noticed that all the furniture had been replaced. Everything was sleek and modern, the total opposite of what Conway represented. In the middle of the desk was a huge bouquet of roses.

"_Matthew...you are so sweet," _I thought as I walked over to the desk and opened the card.

_Good luck on the first day of your new job, baby. Your desk is no longer taboo now that you're the boss, so we'll have to find another location next time..._

_Kelly_

I stood there dumbfounded. How the hell did Kelly know about my promotion? I had planned to tell him about it that night at Molly's, but that plan went all to hell when I walked in on him banging Renee Whaley. Matt only found out yesterday, so he couldn't have let it slip. It had to be Em that told him, but why? She wasn't due in until 8:00 AM and I would be in my meeting with Addison at that time. I turned on the computer and sent her an interoffice email.

_Ms. Morrison,_

_I would like to see you in my office at 9:15 this morning, pending any pressing needs of your services as a LSW here at Lakeshore. There are several important things we need to discuss regarding my transition to Director...among other things._

_Thank you for your attention to this matter,_

_Madeleine Coventry, MSW. LSW, LCPC_

_Director of Assessment and Referral_

_Chicago Lakeshore Hospital_

Oh yeah...that would piss her off just enough. At the very least, it would get her attention and she would know that I was pissed off with her. The last thing I wanted to do was make things awkward between us, but I feared that my being her boss now would do that. I had covered her ass many times in the past 15 months, but as her superior I could no longer do that or it would be my ass on the line. But now, she owed me an explanation about her and Kelly. I needed to know for my own peace of mind.

"Ms. Coventry?" I heard a timid voice say from just outside my office door. I peered around from my computer screen to see Katie Benson looking through the opening in my office door. It was strange to hear her call me Ms. Coventry when she had always called me Madeleine. This transition was already going to be more difficult than I anticipated.

"Good morning, Katie," I said motioning for her to come into the office.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you, Ms. Coventry I just wanted to tell you that your meeting with Walter Addison is in ten minutes in his office," she said, handing me my first official department head memos.

"Thank you, Katie...and I'm still Madeleine...I'm just sitting at a different desk," I said smiling. I wanted to reassure her that everything else between us would stay the same.

"OK, Ms. Coven...I mean Madeleine. Nice flowers, by the way. I hope you don't mind that I let Mr. Severide into your office. It's kind of hard to say no to him," she said before turning to leave. I knew that all too well.

I took a quick look at myself in the mirror that hung over the sofa against the inside wall of the office before leaving to meet Addison. I glanced at Em's cubicle as I walked out of my office before turning to head to the elevators. She wasn't at her desk yet, but in all fairness it wasn't quite 8:00 AM yet. I prayed that she wouldn't take advantage of me as her boss. I would still have to answer to my superiors for any member of my department who didn't tow the line. Conway was always on Em's case, but she could never be bothered to take any serious disciplinary action. Lucky for Em that Conway was a lazy bitch.

I rode the elevator up to the fourth floor and walked into Administration's suite of offices. I was immediately greeted by the secretary.

"Good morning, Ms. Coventry. Mr. Addison is expecting you. Let me show you in," she said as she motioned for to follow her. I walked behind her as she softly knocked on Addison's door before opening it.

"Madeleine Coventry to see you, sir," she said.

"Madeleine! Right on time! Come in...come in! Sarah, bring Ms. Coventry a cup of coffee," said Addison.

"Thank you, Mr. Addison...but I'm fine, really. No need to fetch me coffee, Sarah," I said, looking over my shoulder at her.

"That will be all then, Sarah. Make yourself comfortable, Madeleine...and please call me Walt," he said pointing to one of the overstuffed chairs in front of his desk. He sat in his large leather swivel chair behind the desk and opened a large file that was in front of him.

"Graduated with honors in 2001 from Fordham University with an MSW, I see. Impressive, Madeleine," he said. I smiled but remained silent as he continued to read.

"All the proper Illinois licensure is in place, I trust?" he asked, peering over his glasses.

"Yes, sir...I have both an LSW and LCPC. I made sure I secured those when I moved back to Chicago at the end of 2011. The documentation should be there," I said.

"And you have experience with Child & Family Services as well as service coordination and counseling?" he asked.

"I've done most every aspect of social work there is, Walt,"I said, feeling proud of myself.

"Any budgetary work experience?" He asked.

"Mostly managing expenditures from fundraising efforts. Nothing departmental," I said. I hoped this wasn't going to be a problem. I could certainly learn whatever they needed me to do.

"Scheduling?" he asked.

"I managed 30 volunteers and their schedules for the fundraising I did for the Westchester County Children's Services Center," I replied.

"Excellent, Madeleine. You are certainly well qualified for this position. The budgetary responsibilities are something that I'm sure you'll pick up quickly. I would suggest that you look at Carole's spreadsheets from past fiscal years to help you. They should be saved in the online database. If you have any problems accessing anything, contact Eric in the IT department," he said as he handed me my new name tag and security badge.

"Is there anything else?" I asked, surprised by the briefness of the meeting. I had hoped that I would be told why Conway had been sacked. She had threatened most everyone in Assessment & Referral with termination at one time or another, so it would be sweet justice to know the root cause of why she had been let go.

"Just that you're invited to a luncheon with the board of directors this afternoon at 1:00 PM in the boardroom. I'd like to introduce you before they vote on your permanent placement. I have every confidence they will find you as charming and capable as I do," he said, rising from his chair and extending his hand.

"Thank you, Walt. I promise not to let you or Lakeshore down," I said as I shook his hand.

"See you at 1:00, Madeleine," he said as he escorted me out of his office. I hung my name tag and security badge around my neck and walked back to my office.

"There's a Matt Casey holding for you on line 1, Madeleine," Katie said as I passed her desk and walked into my office. I quickly sat down and picked up the phone.

"This is Madeleine Coventry, Director of Assessment & Referral...how can I help you?" I said, grinning from ear to ear.

"I can think of a thousand ways," I heard Matt say.

"Only a thousand? I'll have to work harder so you can add to the list," I said.

"No need for that Maddy...I have a very vivid imagination, but it's Monday and I've only had one cup of coffee. Meet me for lunch and I'll be up to a million by then," he said.

"Oh Matt...I'm sorry but I can't. I'm having lunch with the board of directors today," I said.

"My girl's officially a big shot now," he said.

"Damn straight, Lt. Casey," I said, giggling.

"I won't keep you... I just wanted to wish you good luck and tell you that the last couple of days have been amazing," he said, his voice quieting slightly.

"Yesterday was the happiest I've been in a very long time and it was because of you," I said speaking softly and trying not to cry.

"I love you, Madeleine Elizabeth Coventry," he said.

"I love you too, Matthew Alan Casey," I said, before hanging up. No matter what the rest of the day handed me, I would feel confident because the man I had loved for so long was finally in my life and he loved me back. My reverie was disturbed by a knock on my door. As I looked up from my desk, I saw Em open up the door and peek through the crack.

"You wanted to see me, Ms. Coventry?" she asked meekly. She was such a smart ass. I motioned for her to come in.

"Em...the last thing I want is for things to be awkward between us. You're the one person in this God-awful place that gave me the time of day when I started here...showed me the ropes. You've had my back on more than one occasion and you are the best friend I have ever had. It's by pure dumb luck that I'm in the office now, but that doesn't have to change what we have as friends. I couldn't live with that if it did. I just want to make that clear, OK?" I said, trying to hide the fact that I was nervous as hell.

"That's good, Mads...because I've been thinking that..." she said, before I cut her off.

"Having said that, I need to know something else," I said, my voice shaking slightly. Her face suddenly drained of color.

"What is it, Mads?" she asked, looking slightly scared.

"Did you sleep with Kelly? I need to know because that would be totally fucked up if you did...you know that," I said.

"Fuck no, Mads! I swear on my life! I wouldn't do that to you...ever!" said Em, practically screaming.

"This isn't about me, Em...it's about Kelly. He's messed up right now and it's partially my fault. He doesn't need anything complicating matters...and you deserve to be with a man who cares for you and you alone," I said.

"He cares a lot about you, Mads...he told me," she said.

"He thinks he does. If he truly cared, he would have given me the benefit of the doubt and not taken his ex-fiance to bed. He's more interested in keeping me so Matthew can't have me. Nothing more, nothing less," I said.

"Yeah...he did say something about not wanting to lose you, especially to him," she said. I knew it. Machismo bullshit and Kelly was the king.

"I need to talk to Kelly and settle this. He still thinks we have a chance. Look what he sent," I said pointing at the bouquet of flowers on my desk.

"He was pretty fucked up the other night, Mads...and I did everything short of beat him to death. I hate what he did to you," said Em. I knew she was being sincere.

"But you felt it necessary to tell him about my promotion," I said.

"Yeah...about that...I tend to run my mouth when I'm drunk. I'm sorry, Mads," I said.

"I would appreciate it from now on if you didn't tell Kelly anything about my private life. I have to have some self-preservation so I can get on with my life. I waited a very long time to get one," I said.

"No one knows that better than I do. To be honest, I never thought Kelly Severide was going to be a part of it," she said.

"I don't love Kelly, Em. I knew I never could love anyone again except Matthew. I knew it when I married Stephen and I knew it when I started dating Kelly. I should have told both of them, but I was afraid of ending up alone for the rest of my life. I care about Kelly, but quite honestly, I wasn't upset by our break up...I was upset by how it happened...another man cheating on me," I said.

"I know, Mads. It was shit," said Em.

"As much as Kelly hurt me, I feel I owe him an apology. There are a lot of things I need to say to him," I said.

"He owes YOU an apology, Mads. Not the other way round. He cheated on you," said Em, sounding angry.

"But in my head, I cheated on him every day. My heart has always belonged to Matthew and after he came back into my life, it only got worse for Kelly. I didn't deserve to be cheated on, but he didn't deserve my dishonesty either," I said.

"Jesus, Mads...you are being way more mature about this than I would be. Proof that you deserve to be behind that desk and not me," said Em.

"Then get your ass back on the floor before I fire it," I said, opening up my arms.

"I love ya, Madster," she said as she hugged me tightly.

"Yeah, yeah...now get! I have some work to do before my lunch with the board," I said. She pushed the end of her nose up with her finger, grinned and left the office. I sat back down at the desk to open up the budgetary files. After a few minutes of scrolling through them, I decided to call Kelly. It had to be done and the sooner, the better. I got his voice mail.

"_Hi Kelly...it's Madeleine. A lot of things have happened over the last few days and I think we owe it to each other to talk. Please give me a call my cell and and let me know when is good for you. I'll be waiting to hear from you..."_

I hung up the phone and turned my attention back to the budget. I had a lot of new responsibilities and I would not let anything interfere with that. Not Kelly, not Em and not even Matthew.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I slammed my cell phone down on the bedside table. Four days and still no answer from Kelly. Whatever game he was playing, it was beginning to piss me off. If he honestly thought he could win me back, did he really think this was going to help? I would call him one more time and this time, I would make sure he knew I was angry. We had to get this settled once and for all. It had started with the flowers on Monday, followed by balloons on Tuesday, candy on Wednesday and a stuffed animal on Thursday. He had been relentless and it had been pressing on my mind all week, almost to the point of distraction at work which was not a good thing, especially for someone who was being scrutinized in her new position. I had even put off Matthew and declined his invitation to dinner this week because I didn't want him clouding my judgement or talking me out of it. I picked up my cell phone one more time and dialed Kelly's number.

"_Kelly Severide...you had better contact me before the end of your shift today or else I am filing a formal complaint with the Chicago Firefighters Union against you for harassment. I have plenty of evidence to support my complaint, so I would suggest you call me ASAP if you don't want to see your career come to an untimely end. This shit stops now, you got me? I'll be waiting to hear from you..."_

If that didn't make his balls shrivel, I don't know what would. I would never seriously entertain lodging a complaint with his union, but I wanted him to think that I would. What he was doing was more of an annoyance than actual harassment, but I wanted it to end. Kelly and I were over and he had to accept that. I hadn't told Matthew about any of it simply because I knew he'd make Kelly's life a living hell at House 51 and that wouldn't be fair to either of them. Their rivalry would reach a fever pitch and I didn't want to witness the fallout from it. I jumped out of bed and headed to the shower feeling oddly victorious. I hadn't won yet but I had the feeling that I would.

As I showered, I became painfully aware of how much I missed Matthew. We hadn't seen each other since that Sunday we spent together at his house after our first official date. We had talked on the phone several times, but his voice was no longer enough for me. I needed to see him...hold him...smell him...taste him. I closed my eyes and thought back to Sunday as the hot water from the shower cascaded over me. I felt my nipples stiffen at the memory of him and I making love for the first time...the second time...and the third time. I had waited my entire life for him and I stood there in the shower realizing that it was my fault that it had been a week since we had been together. I had set our relationship aside because of Kelly and my new job. One was a necessary evil, the other was not.

I was holding my first staff meeting as Director and decided I would bring in bagels, donuts and juice as a peace offering. The part-timers were not pleased with my ascension to power, such as it was. I had also been grossly neglecting my friendship with Em. We hadn't really spoken since that Monday morning in my office and it felt strange. My days were filled with budgets, endless meetings and my lunches were now spent in the company of other department heads. We hadn't even spoken on the phone all week. I had been a bad friend, but a kick-ass director. Every time I had passed Em's desk, she would be gazing forlornly at my empty cubicle next to hers like I had died. In a way, I had died...at least to her. Our tag team social worker days were over now and I think she was mourning that.

I checked my phone before leaving for work. Still no messages from Kelly. I grabbed Kelly's medallion from my dresser and dropped it in my purse. I decided I would go to the firehouse if he wouldn't come to me. I could play dirty too. I made the drive to Lakeshore cursing him all the way.

"Katie, send out an intra-departmental email reminding staff about the meeting this morning. 9:00 AM in conference room A on the third floor," I said as I passed her desk. She quickly jumped up and took the boxes of donuts and bagels from my hands.

"OK Madeleine...oh...and Kelly Severide for you on Line 1," she said with a grin. I unlocked my office door and ran to pick up the phone. I had to brace myself for what he might say to me. I had only seen Kelly angry once or twice and it was not pretty.

"This is Madeleine Coventry," I said as I picked up the phone.

"Mads...it's Kelly. You're fucking kidding me, right?" he said. He sounded more bemused than angry and it infuriated me.

"It got your attention, didn't it? This has got to end, Kelly," I said.

"Fine. Whatever you want. When and where?" he asked sounding mildly frustrated. I had thought about this carefully. At first, I thought having him over to my house on Saturday would be the ideal place. Home field advantage was always a bonus, but Matthew would be working on my kitchen this weekend and that would not be a good combination.

"You know that diner a few blocks from the firehouse? I thought we could meet there for breakfast tomorrow morning around 10:00," I said. If we were in public, he'd be less likely to make a scene.

"Sure. I'll be there. Oh...and Mads?" he said, his voice trailing off before he finished.

"Yeah?" I said, waiting for him to finish his thought.

"Never mind...I'll see you tomorrow," he said and hung up.

I hung up the phone and turned my attention to the pile of resumes that had come in over the last few days. I was now faced with the task of hiring a new social worker to fill the position I had been in and it wasn't going to be easy. There were plenty of qualified candidates, but the person I hired would have to be compatible with Em and that would be like finding a needle in a haystack. As I shuffled through the papers on my desk, Em passed in front of my open door catching my eye.

"Hey you!" I yelled out. Unbecoming of a department director, but most fitting for someone who has been missing her best friend. She stopped and peered in through the glass sidelight. I motioned for her to come in.

"Am I in trouble?" she asked, looking a little worried.

"Why? Should you be?" I countered. She sheepishly shook her head no and sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"I thought we could go out tonight...just you and me. Dinner somewhere funky, drinks, maybe a little drunken cheesy karaoke. What do you say?" I asked.

"Yeah...I'd like that. You've been ignoring me lately," she said, looking a little sad.

"I've not been doing it on purpose, Em. It's just that I've been so busy this week...you know, new job crap, old boyfriend crap. I haven't had time for Matt either," I said, suddenly missing him again.

"No time for the love of your life? That's shameful! Did you talk to Kelly yet?" she asked.

"I just got off the phone with him. We're meeting for breakfast tomorrow to discuss things," I said.

"How do you think he's going to handle it?" she asked.

"Kelly is unpredictable. You've been witness to that. That's why I chose a public place so he has to keep his temper in check," I said.

"There's no guarantee of that," she said. She was right of course, but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt...something he should have given me a week ago.

"I know, but I'm hoping for the best. Staff meeting in 30 minutes, babe...and I brought donuts," I said. Em gave me the thumbs up before leaving my office. Just then, I heard my cell phone buzz. It was a text from Matt.

"_Hey you...I'm off shift now and heading over to your place to work on the kitchen. Looking forward to seeing you tonight...been missing you...Matt xxx"_

I smiled as I read his message. I had missed him too, but now I had made plans to go out with Em tonight. Now, I was a good director, a better friend and a crappy girlfriend. I wondered if I would ever find a balance to all of it. I decided to call him. I needed to hear his voice.

"Hey Lieutenant...remember me?" I said as he answered his phone.

"Voice is vaguely familiar..." he said.

"I'm sorry, Matt...it's been a crazy week. I'll be home early tonight and make it up to you...I promise," I said.

"Oooooo...I'll be looking forward to that. Do you want to go out to dinner tonight or stay in?" he said. I didn't have the heart to tell him about my plans with Em.

"Let's just play it by ear...see what happens, OK?" I said, biting my lower lip.

"OK, babe...see you later...love you," he said.

"Love you too," I said. Shit. Now what do I do? I couldn't think about it now. I had a staff meeting to get through, a stack of resumes, another boring board of directors luncheon and an afternoon of budget work ahead of me.

As I pulled up behind Matt's truck in my driveway, it all became clear to me. Em would have to wait. I had put in a very tough week at work and needed time with Matthew. I needed to feel his arms around me to bolster my confidence for what awaited me on Saturday. Spending the evening in the company of the man I loved is exactly what I needed. Em would have to understand. Before I got out of my car, I called her cell and got her voice mail.

"_Hey Em...it's Mads. You're going to kill me for this, but I'm cancelling tonight. Would be it OK if we did it tomorrow night instead? This week has been a bear and I need tonight to decompress quietly. We can go crazy tomorrow night...my treat. Please say you understand. Love you lots...Mads xx"_

I turned off my phone before tossing it in my purse. The next seventeen hours belonged to Matthew Casey and me. I unlocked my front door and walked inside. I could hear pounding sounds coming from my kitchen and knew Matthew was hard at work. Just the thought of seeing him as I walked into my kitchen made me happy. I quietly laid my keys and purse on the entry hall table, then reached up under my skirt and slipped off my panties. Lt. Casey would be very surprised, indeed.

As I walked into the kitchen, I could see Matthew standing on a small ladder hammering crown moulding over my new kitchen cabinets. He had a pencil behind his ear and a toothpick in his mouth. His arms were glistening with sweat and I could see wet marks under the arms of his t-shirt as he hammered the wood into place. As he pounded away, his t-shirt pulled out from his pants, revealing his stomach. I could feel the wetness between my legs as I stealthily walked towards him. The sound of my heels clicking on the ceramic tile was masked by his hammering, so he had no idea I was in the room. I wedged myself between the ladder and the kitchen counter and reached up to touch his exposed stomach.

"There's my girl," he said, jumping slightly as my fingers grazed over the fine hairs on his tightly toned stomach. I grabbed his belt as he started to climb down the ladder, telling him I didn't want him to move. I placed my hands on either side of his waist and pressed my mouth into the flesh of his stomach, lightly kissing and licking at his skin. He set the hammer down on the ladder and wrapped his hands in my hair. I continued to kiss his tummy as my own hands found their way to the waist of his jeans and undid his belt and popped each button of his fly slowly. I could see his semi-erect penis bulging underneath as I opened the fly of his pants wider. His musky scent filled my head. He was my drug and my drink and all I needed to be totally hypnotised.

"Oh fuck...Maddy," he whispered as I slowly took his entire length in my mouth. He let out an audible moan as I grabbed him by the base of the penis and began to slowly lick him up and down. He was fully erect now and became harder with each movement of my mouth. The harder I sucked on him, the louder he moaned. His eyes were half closed and his mouth was slightly open. I pulled my mouth away from him momentarily to speak.

"Come here," I said softly as I took his hand and guided his towards one of the kitchen chairs. I pulled his t-shirt off over his head and ran my fingers over his chest. He grabbed me by the back of my neck and kissed me hard, shoving his tongue in my mouth. I hungrily kissed him back as his fingers moved from my neck to the buttons on my blouse, popping each one in succession. When his hands got to the front clasp on my bra, I grabbed his wrists, stopping him.

"Sit, Lieutenant Casey," I said, pointing to the kitchen chair. He smirked slightly as he pushed his jeans to the floor before sitting down. I let my blouse fall to the floor, then slowly unclasped the front of my bra, revealing my breasts. He quickly hooked his hand in the waist of my skirt and pulled me closer to him.

"No, Lieutenant," I said as I stopped him from undoing the zipper on the side of my skirt. His eyes were locked on me as I slowly raised the hem of my skirt just high enough to reveal I was not wearing anything underneath.

"Baby...please," he said as I hiked my skirt a little higher and straddled him in the chair. I pressed my mouth to his, kissing him furiously as his hands manipulated my breasts and nipples. I raised myself up slightly and slowly slid the length of him inside me, savoring the feeling of him holding me tightly and filling me up.

"Matthew..." I whispered as I took the last inch of him inside me and began to writhe up and down on him. I clung to his shoulders, digging my nails into his flesh and his hands gripped me tightly around the waist. He guided my movements up and down as I rose up slowly and slammed down hard on him. His face twisted with each thrust of my hips and I could feel my orgasm approaching quickly. I cried out as I shuddered and spasmed around him, clawing at his shoulders and neck as my orgasm engulfed me. Within seconds, I could feel his body tighten and he let out a groan as he came deep inside me, grunting as he thrust his hips upwards. As the remnants of our orgasms subsided, Matthew reached up and grabbed my face, pulling it to his. He brushed away a few stray tears from my cheeks before kissing me deeply again. I loved him so much it hurt sometimes and my emotions got the better of me, especially when we made love.

He said nothing as he got up from the kitchen chair with my legs wrapped around him and carried me to the couch in the living room, stumbling as tripped over his pants around his ankles He laid down on top of me, covering my face with soft kisses as we both giggled at having nearly fallen.

"Was that playing it by ear, Ms. Coventry?" he said with a huge grin on his face. I stroked his short sandy hair and looked deeply into his eyes. I just wanted to stare at him for a few minutes because it seemed like forever since I had looked at his beautiful face.

"I guess you could say that," I said. He kissed me again before snuggling down beside me and pulling the afghan off the back of the couch over us.

"What's next on the 'play it by ear' list?" he said as pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me.

"More of the same, I think. Is that OK with you?" I said, trying to sound coy, but failing miserably.

"Fuck yes," he whispered before devouring my mouth with his. Nothing else would exist in our little cocoon until 10:00 tomorrow morning and that suited me just fine. Lakeshore, Walter Addison, the board of directors, Em Morrison and Kelly Severide would have to take a backseat to the greatest love I had ever known. Besides my father, Matthew Casey was the most important thing in my life and after waiting sixteen years to get him, the rest of the world could kindly fuck off.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

I woke up to the sensation of Matthew's finger softly tracing my lips. He was staring intently at my mouth, brushing his fingertip lightly over it and not even noticing I was awake.

"Good morning," I said quietly. He said nothing; just looked me squarely in the eye with a serious expression on his face. He slowly leaned in and kissed me...softly and slowly at first, then increasing in intensity. He moved his body on top of mine and continued to kiss me deeply. I could sense his urgency, much like I had last Sunday when he picked up his truck at my house. He pulled away from my mouth and I could see tears brimming in his eyes. Now I was truly concerned.

"Matthew, baby...what's wrong?" I said, holding his head in my hands.

"Just stay with me, Maddy...please...promise you'll never leave me again," he whispered. He looked lost and afraid, something I had never seen in him before. He had always been so confident and strong and this vulnerability or whatever this was was scaring me.

"I'm right here, Matt...I'm not going anywhere," I said.

He crushed his mouth to mine as I wrapped my legs around his lower back. His mouth moved away from mine and down to my breasts. He flicked his tongue around each nipple, lightly sucking each one in turn as I ran my hands through his short hair. He moved his lips down my tummy, lightly kissing my skin as he went. My legs were now resting on his shoulders. He looked up at me with a very wicked grin on his face, his bright smile contrasted by the dark stubble on his cheeks. He ran his hands down the inside of my thighs and I involuntarily arched my back as he touched me.

"You're mine now, Maddy...nothing can change that," he said before lowering his head between my legs. I let out a soft moan as I felt his warm tongue flicking back and forth across my clitoris. He shifted his body slightly and began to slowly lick up and down my inner lips. I was so wet that I didn't know where his flesh ended and mine began. He sucked the first two fingers of his right hand then slowly slid them inside me. I instinctively raised my hips as he worked his fingers in and out of me and continued to suck on my sensitive little bud.

"Matthew...please..." I heard myself say. My body ached for the sweet release that was begging to let go. He rose to his knees and lifted me up to meet his hips, then plunged himself inside me. I groaned as he thrust hard and fast. His masterful control of my brought me to a powerful orgasm as I thrashed underneath him.

"Oh Jesus, Maddy...fuck..." he grunted as I felt him spurt inside me. He collapsed on top of me, sweating and breathing heavily and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, burying my face in the side of his neck. I couldn't stop the tears that were falling uncontrollably from my eyes nor could I muffle the sobs that threatened to shake my body. I loved him so much. He had to realize that, so I couldn't understand how he could possibly think I would ever leave him again.

"Don't cry, baby...or I will too," he said as he kissed me softly.

"I love you so much, Matthew. This is where I am meant to be...with you. Now this had to happen," I said, trying to get the crying under control. It was as if the stress of the past week and finally burst open the dam and I couldn't stop it.

"What had to happen? What are you not telling me?" he asked, looking concerned. I hadn't told him about Kelly and the gifts he sent. I was hoping to settle it without him knowing, but now I had no choice.

"It's Kelly," I said.

"Son of a bitch...what has he done now?" he said. His eyes were wild. He was furious already and he didn't even know what Kelly had done.

"Matthew, calm down...he only..." I started to say, but he interrupted me before I could finish.

"Goddamn him. He's going to wedge himself between you and me, I just know it," he said, sounding angrier than I had ever heard him before. He got out of bed and pulled a pair of pants on, then strutted around the room like a peacock.

"For Christ's sake, Matt...do you really think I'd let that happen? Give me a little credit here..." I said. Now I was getting annoyed. He was acting like a child who was angry that someone had stolen his lollipop.

"I'm sorry, Maddy. I just get crazy when I think about you and Severide. Forgive me?" he said as he sat back down on the bed.

"Whether you like it or not, Kelly was a part of my life, Matthew...just like Hallie was a part of yours. It's no different. Besides, I'm meeting Kelly for breakfast this morning to talk about all of it. There are things I need to say to him and I'm sure there are things that he needs to say to me," I said.

"I want to go with you," Matt said.

"The hell you will, Matthew Casey! I'm a big girl now, in case you hadn't noticed. I don't need you to fight my battles for me. You really think your being there will help matters? Jesus, Matthew...it's like you didn't hear a word I said," I said. Now I was angry. I bolted out of bed and wrapped my robe around me. Matthew stopped me on my way out of the bedroom.

"Maddy, please...I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry. Of course I know you can handle yourself. It's one of the things I love about you...and it's because I love you that I worry about losing you," he said, taking me by the shoulders.

"You won't lose me! Why do you keep acting like I'm going somewhere? I'm finally where I belong...with you. Do you honestly think that I'd let anything or anyone get in the way of that?" I said.

"You say that but sometimes we have no control over what happens, Maddy," he said.

"You don't think I know that, for Christ's sake? I had no control over losing you sixteen years ago and I had no control over Stephen's extra-curricular activity...but if we constantly live in fear of what may happen, we're going to lose everything we fought so hard to get," I said, crying now. Matthew and I had only been together as a couple for a week and it was already becoming too intense for my liking. I hoped it was only temporary, given our long separation.

"Maddy," he said softly as he pulled me into a tight embrace and burying his face in my neck.

His arms wrapped around me like a death grip.

"I will never leave you, Matthew. Please believe that. The only thing that would drive me away is if you hurt me and you're one of the few people that I know would never do that," I said.

"I love you, Maddy...so much," he whispered. I thought I could hear him choking back tears as he pressed his mouth to my ear as he spoke.

"I love you too, Matthew. Trust in that...and me, OK?" I said.

"OK, babe...I'll go make some coffee while you shower. Try not to be too angry with me, OK?" he asked. His big blue eyes were red-rimmed. He had been crying after all. I brushed the remnants of his tears away with my fingers and planted a soft, deep wet kiss on his mouth.

"It's already forgotten," I said. I could never truly be angry with him...at least not yet. It was too soon in our relationship for anger and tears. As I showered, I silently prayed that for the rest of the day, everything would not be this dramatic.

I drove to the diner to meet Kelly, rehearsing what I would say to him in my head. I had no real idea of how things would play out between us, but I could only hope for the best. Kelly had always been a reasonable man, at least up until last weekend. He had never expressed his feeling for me until this last week. Before he had inundated me with gifts at work, he hadn't given me one thing in the entire three months we had been dating except for a bouquet of flowers the day he came to visit me at work. I knew he cared about me on some level, but I was never sure what level that was. He had rarely asked me anything about my life in New York, my marriage, my job...he didn't even know when my birthday was. Seeing me kiss Matthew and using that as an excuse to take his ex-fiance to bed did not seem like the actions of someone in love with me. It seemed more like the actions of a man who was jealous that his rival was making a play for the girl he was dating. I guess I would soon find out.

I parked in front of the diner and opened my purse. I could see Kelly's St. Florian medallion sparkling at the bottom. No matter what happened from here on out with Kelly, I would always treasure our time together. I walked inside the diner and could see the back of Kelly's black leather jacket in a booth in the far back corner. I walked through the diner and slid into the booth on the opposite side.

"Thank you for meeting me," I said.

"I'm not really sure I had much choice," he said, sounding curt.

"Oh you did, Kelly...but things would have gotten a whole lot harder," I said. I wanted him to know I was serious about this. I also wanted to think I would back up my threat of reporting him to the union.

"Casey know about this meeting?" he asked. Before I could answer, the waitress came over and set down two plates of pancakes and sausage.

"Your fella here said you liked flapjacks. You want coffee too, hon?" she asked me. I was slightly stunned because I didn't remember ever mentioning I liked pancakes to Kelly. In fact, I don't even remember eating them in front of him. I had drank a pot of coffee with Matt before leaving the house, so I asked for orange juice instead.

"Yes, Matthew knows...although I didn't tell him the details," I said.

"You mean about the gifts. Didn't he see them?" Kelly asked.

"No, he didn't. The flowers are still on my desk, but the staff devoured the candy and I gave the balloons and stuffed animals to pediatrics," I said.

"Clever little thing, aren't you? Keeping secrets from your current lover about your former lover," he said with a nasty tone in his voice. I took my cell phone out of my purse and punched in Matthew's number and turned the screen to show him.

"Just say the word, Kelly...and I'll call him right now. Matthew and I have no secrets," I said, sounding a little cocky.

"Calm down and put your phone away, Mads," he said, taking a big bite of food.

"What is this all about, Kelly? Why are you suddenly acting like you can't live without me? You don't love me," I said.

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling, Mads. How are you so sure I don't?" he said.

"How can you sit there and honesty tell me you love me when you know next to nothing about me?" I said.

"I know all I need to know," he said.

"Really, Kelly? What's my middle name? When's my birthday? What's my ex-husband's name?" I asked. He hesitated for a minute, then looked down at his food without answering me.

"That proves nothing," he said.

"It proves everything to me. If you loved me, you'd care enough to find out more about me. I know a lot about you because I cared enough to ask you. You were the first man in a very long time to show any interest in me and I will always be grateful for that. You gave me three of the best months I've ever had, but the man I love has to care about deeper things than just taking me to bed, Kelly...and I have to be able to trust him completely," I said, my voice cracking with emotion.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Mads...but you hurt me too," he said.

"Yes, I kissed Matthew Casey while you and I were together. I'm sorry you had to see that, Kelly...but it didn't go any further than that, I swear on my father's life. I had planned to tell you everything that Friday night at Molly's," I said, my voice trailing off. I didn't want to recall the sight of Kelly in bed with Renee.

"If Casey wasn't in the picture, would we be having this conversation now?" he asked. His blues eyes were staring straight through me.

"This has nothing to do with Matthew. Are you conveniently forgetting that I caught you fucking Renee Whaley? Or that you had Shay lie to me to cover it up? I came to Molly's that night hoping to clear the air and tell you everything because I felt you deserved that. I was willing to give our relationship everything I had, but you chose the low road, Kelly...not me," I said, choking back tears.

"I can't lose you, Mads...I just couldn't bear that," he said, his eyes turned downward.

"This isn't about losing me, Kelly...it's about losing me to Matthew. That's what you can't bear. This isn't about loving me...it's about your goddamn rivalry and you know it," I said, sounding angry. I would be damned before I let him twist my emotions like this to make himself look like the romantic hero.

"I'm so sorry, Mads...I really am," he said, tears pricking his blue eyes.

"So am I, Kelly," I said. I reached into my purse and pulled out his St. Florian medallion and handed it to him. His fingers closed over mine as I put the medallion in his hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand.

"Regardless of what you think, Mads...I love you...in the only way I know how since I broke off my engagement with Renee. You're the first woman since her to touch me deep down and I'm sorry I had to be the one to fuck it up," he said.

"I will always treasure what we had, Kelly...you brought me back to life and I will never forget that," I said, still crying. I got up from the booth and started to walk away. Kelly rose from his side of the booth to stop me.

"You love him, Mads?" he asked.

"I do," I answered. Without warning, Kelly pressed his mouth on mine and kissed me deeply. My heart was breaking for him and without thinking, I returned his kiss. Goddamn him for doing this to me...and goddamn myself for letting him.

Oh...and Mads? Don't kid yourself into thinking that Casey doesn't have any secrets from you. I just thought you should know that," Kelly said as I pulled away from his mouth. So much for being the romantic hero. I should have expected he'd take one last jab at Matthew.

"Goodbye, Kelly," was all I said. I wasn't about to dignify that remark with an answer. All I wanted to do was drive back home and spend the rest of the day with the one man besides my father who had never hurt me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I pulled into my driveway behind Matthew's truck, turned the car off and just sat there rehashing everything Kelly had said to me before going inside. I knew Matt would be waiting for me and most likely have several questions about what Kelly and I had talked about. As I was about to open the car door, my cell phone rang. It was Em.

"Blowing me off for a guy, Madster? Not cool...but I forgive you...but only because it's a guy you waited a really long time for," she said. She had such a lyrical way of chastising me.

"Thanks, Em...so you wanna go out tonight? Do it up right?" I asked.

"Hell yes, Mads! I need to spend some quality time with my bestie and time with some quality vodka. Where we going?" she said. Thank God she wasn't pissed off at me. I couldn't handle more than two intense discussions in one day.

"I thought we'd go to Molly's. You've been wanting to go there," I said.

"You think that's wise, Mads? Kelly may be there," she said.

"Kelly and I have talked things out, Em. I'm not going to hide myself away just because I don't want to risk an awkward scene in public. It's his problem, not mine," I said.

"Right...so it's over between the two of you? Period. End." she asked. Was she serious? She knew I loved Matthew. Sometimes I didn't understand why she asked questions that had obvious answers.

"Period. End. Ad infinitum." I said.

"Good, but I want details. What time should I come over?" she asked.

"How about 7:00 PM? I have to bake a birthday cake for my Dad and prep some stuff for his dinner tomorrow," I said.

"OK, babes...see you then," she said before hanging up. One down, one to go. Matt was next on the list. If he truly considered me his girlfriend now, then he deserved to know everything. I was more than willing to spill my guts to Kelly the night he betrayed our relationship. Matthew deserved a hell of a lot more since he had never lied to me about anything. But there was one or two things I needed to know first and I feared it was too early into our relationship to ask him. I looked at my watch before getting out of the car. It was 12:15 PM. I still had plenty of time to get ready for my father's birthday tomorrow and spend time with Matt before Em was due to arrive. I walked into the house and set my keys and purse down on the table in the entry hall. Matt wasn't in the living room or dining room. I walked through the short hallway that led into the kitchen and saw him standing at my newly remodeled kitchen counter reading the Sun-Times. He was deep in thought and chewing on a toothpick as he read. I leaned against the door frame and stood there for a few moments, quietly studying him. He was simply stunning. My eyes moved slowly from his short-cropped hair to his lightly moistened lips and stubbly cheeks. His arms were outstretched on the countertop and placed on either side of the paper, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he inadvertently drummed his fingers. I could see his chest rise and fall under his snug t-shirt as he breathed in and out. It was moments like these that I cherished the most...watching him without him knowing it. He was unencumbered, natural and at ease. No seriousness, no torment, no urgency...just Matthew at his finest. I shifted slightly and the sound of my boots on the ceramic tile caught his attention.

"Hey you! How long have you been standing there?" he said as he lifted his eyes from the paper to my face. His smile was broad and his face was relaxed as he walked around the counter towards me. He opened his arms as he reached me and pulled me into a firm embrace. His arms felt so good wrapped around me and the scent of his cologne drove me wild. He tilted my face up to his and kissed me softly.

"You OK, babe?" he said. His eyes seemed to search my face for something...perhaps a trace of the conversation I'd had with Kelly. He was playing it cautiously and letting me take the lead and I appreciated that. The last thing I wanted right now was a barrage of questions. Em would most likely give me the third degree tonight, but by then I would have a snoot full of liquor in me.

"I'm so much more than OK," I said as I kissed him again. His mouth molded perfectly to mine. It always had. His lips were soft and wet and his tongue gently probed my mouth as we deepened the kiss. His hands were pressed firmly against the small of my back, pulling me in tight. I slid my arms underneath his and gripped his shoulders tightly. The muscles in his back flexed and tightened as he shifted and pushed me back towards the wall.

"There is so much I want to say to you, Maddy...do for you...be for you," he said, pressing his forehead to mine and brushing his nose against mine. Sometimes, being with him was like living in a dream...and dreams eventually come to an end. That's what scared me.

"You have already given me more in this last week than Stephen did in five years, Matthew," I said.

"You deserve so much more than this," he said softly.

"I'm not special, Matthew. Women who marry men they don't love don't deserve fairy tales," I said. I had always felt guilty about not loving Stephen when I married him. I knew at that point in my life that I would never have Matthew and I didn't want to spend the rest of it alone. I think that's why I hung onto Kelly. I knew after a few dates with him that he wasn't the type of guy I needed for a long term relationship, but he made me smile and made me feel pretty and worthy of a man's attention. I felt guilty now, thinking maybe I led him to think our relationship was more than it was.

"Oh, Maddy...but you do...we both do! If you only knew how many mornings in the last sixteen years I woke up to thoughts of you in my head and ended up getting angry that it wasn't you beside me in my bed. I tried to push Hallie into being you, so we're both guilty of the same thing," he said.

"I have to ask you something, Matthew...something I need to know," I said, tentatively. This was such a perfect moment between us and I didn't want to ruin it, but I needed an answer.

"Ask me anything," he said.

"I need to know if you and I...are we...is this...oh sweet Jesus, I sound like a babbling idiot here," I said, embarrassed by my inability to form a sentence. Matthew laughed slightly at my incoherence.

"I think I know what you want to ask, Maddy...and the answer is yes. This is serious and not just some high school crush playing out in adulthood. I love you...I always have and I always will," he said softly.

"And Hallie? That's over for good? There's no chance of..." I said before my voice trailed off. I was scared of the possibility that he would go back to her. I wanted to erase all traces of Hallie from his mind, but they had eight years together and that would be difficult. I was jealous of a woman I didn't even know.

"No, Maddy. It's over and done with. She's not coming back," he said.

"But would you go to her?" I heard myself say before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"Would you go back to Severide...or Stephen for that matter?" he asked.

"Of course not. Never," I said.

"And I am never going back to Hallie. It won't ever happen...it can't," he said.

"I'm sorry I had to ask that. It's just that I've been let down so many times," I said.

"I know...and I feel partly to blame for that. If I had had more faith in you back then, I would have tried harder," he said.

"What's done is done, Matthew. Things happen for a reason. We're together now. That's what we need to concentrate on...not the past...not what we would have done differently," i said.

"Agreed...now I have a kitchen to finish and you have a birthday cake to make, don't you?" he said, suddenly ending the conversation and slapping me on the backside. In truth, I was relieved. He hadn't questioned me about my meeting with Kelly like I thought he would and that suited me just fine. Matthew put the finishing touches around the kitchen while I mixed up the cake and started on my father's dinner.

"That smells amazing, Maddy. What are you making?" he asked.

"Beef stroganoff. It's Dad's favorite. Here...have a taste," I said. I thought briefly of how Kelly would have made a joke about masturbating cows and was happy that Matthew was more mature than that. I held the spoon to his lips and he took a bite.

"You should have been a chef, Maddy. That is phenomenal," he said, licking his lips.

"You're coming to Dad's with me tomorrow, aren't you?" I asked. I had been so preoccupied with my job and the shenanigans with Kelly that I'd forgotten if I had asked Matt to go.

"Yeah, I'd love to see your Dad again. He was always a good guy," he said.

"Both my parents liked you, Matt. You're one of the few guys that I dated that they approved of," I said.

"I know this sounds ridiculous...I mean, we're grown adults, but I hate to think of you with anyone else besides me, even way back then," he said, slightly bowing his head. He was so cute, even when he was being irrationally jealous.

"You won't have to worry about that ever again," I said, regretting it immediately. I didn't want to him to think I was hinting at marriage. I started to stammer and sputter like an old engine and wanted to crawl inside my kitchen cupboard. Matthew sensed I was flustered and walked up behind me as I stood at the kitchen counter.

"You're so adorable when you're embarrassed," he said as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the back of my neck.

"I didn't mean...I don't want you to think... I wasn't implying...oh shit, I'm babbling again," I said. I could feel my face turn bright red as Matthew slowly turned me around so I was facing him.

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't already been thinking about it, Maddy," he said. My knees suddenly turned to jelly. I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come out. It was just as well since I would probably sound like an idiot again anyway.

"In time, Maddy...in time," he said before kissing me again. He suddenly lifted me up and sat me on the counter. His mouth never left mine as he began to unbutton my blouse. Just as his hand cupped my right breast, we were interrupted by a knock on my front door. Actually it was more like kick than a knock. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was already 6:00 PM. I had forgotten to tell Matt about going out with Em, but it was still too early for it to be her. Matthew answered the door as I stayed sat on my kitchen counter.

"Easy on the kickplate, Morrison. That's brass, not Melmac you know," I heard him say. She was an hour early. That never happens. She'd be late for her own funeral.

"Wow, Mads! Your kitchen looks amazing! You do nice work, Casey," she said as she set a grocery bag next to me on the counter.

"Like I said before, great timing, that one," Matthew said to me as he re-positioned himself between my legs and started to button up my shirt.

"Oh shit...sorry...didn't mean to interrupt more of Casey's...ummm...nice work," Em said, giggling.

"You're early, Emily," I said, giving her an annoyed glance. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"You two have plans tonight?" asked Matt.

"Yeah...sort of a girls night out. Dinner and drinks at Molly's," I said as I jumped off the counter.

"I came prepared this time...luggage and everything!" said Em, holding up the bag she had set on the counter.

"You're unique, Em...I'll give you that much," said Matt, shaking his head and smiling.

"And you're one lucky son of a bitch, Casey...you know that, right?" My Madster means everything to me and she deserves the best, so if you fuck up, I'll be all over you like white on rice. I tore Severide a new asshole and I won't hesitate to do the same to you," she said.

"Emily Keira Morrison...with all due respect...shut the fuck up!" I said, mortified.

"Maddy, it's OK. I'm glad to know she's is looking out for my girl. Don't worry, Em...Madeleine means everything to me, too...trust me on that. Why don't I drive you guys to Molly's? That way, you can get drunk off your asses and not worry about driving back home," said Matthew. Em broke out into a huge smile.

"You're alright with me, Casey. He's a keeper, Mads," Em said.

"Yeah, I know," I said as I gazed adoringly at him, probably looking like the idiot I sounded like earlier.

After changing my clothes, Em and I squeezed into the front seat of Matt's truck to make the trip to Molly's. I did a quick glance around for Kelly's Camaro, but saw no sign of it. Em slid out of the passenger side and stood on the sidewalk waiting for me.

"You don't mind this, do you? Me going out with Em and her staying over tonight? I've been sort of neglecting her this week," I said before getting out of the truck.

"You sort of neglected me this week too," he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, but I made it up to you in ways I can't with Em," I said, grinning.

"Mmmmm, so true. Call me when you're ready to come home. Have a good time," he said with a smile.

"Em was right...you are a keeper, Matthew Casey," I said as I shut the passenger door to his truck. He scooted over and rolled down the window.

"Come here," he said. I stepped down from the sidewalk and leaned into the truck. As I did, Matthew leaned towards me and planted another deep wet kiss on my mouth. We stood there kissing for several seconds before being interrupted by Em's polite, but not so subtle "ahem" sound.

"I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," I mouthed back to him, fearing a smart ass remark from Em.

"The pair of ya," said Em, shaking her head as we walked into the bar. She was smiling and I knew instinctively that despite her wisecracks, she was happy for me. This is why I adored her...her friendship and love was always honest and unconditional.

We sat down at the bar and quickly ordered our dinner. I had eaten only bites of the beef stroganoff since breakfast with Kelly and I had only picked at that, so I was starving. Em ordered a beer and I ordered a Cosmopolitan, then we moved to one of the tables in the corner and waited for our food.

"Tell me what happened with you and Kelly," said Em, taking a swig of beer.

"We met for breakfast this morning and discussed things," I said.

"Things? What things?" said Em, sounding puzzled. I hadn't seen her for any length of time this week to fill her in.

"He was sending me gifts all week long to the office. He was acting like we were still a couple and like I was the greatest love of his life, for Christ's sake," I said.

"Maybe you are," said Em.

"Emily Morrison, you know as well as I do that Kelly Severide doesn't love me. Come on...you two must have talked last week when you left my house," I said.

"We did, yes," said Em, averting her eyes.

"What is it, Em? Please don't tell me he professed his undying love for me. Loving me and taking Renee Whaley to bed don't exactly go together," I said.

"No, he didn't...but he doesn't want to lose either," she said.

"Correction...he doesn't want to lose me to Matthew. I refuse to be put in the middle of this ridiculous tug of war of theirs," I said, as I ordered another round of drinks from the waitress as she brought our food.

"He said you were the smartest girl he'd ever been with and that you were special to him," said Em taking a bite of her burger.

"I'm so special he took his ex-fiance to bed. Yeah, right. One woman will never be enough for Kelly Severide. A lot of his former girlfriends told me that," I said.

"Maybe that's why they're exes, Mads...their shallowness, their jealousy. Maybe he saw something different in you," said Em.

"Then why did he never ask me anything more in depth than if I was wearing underwear, for Christ's sake?" I said.

"Maybe he didn't know how, Mads...you were a new experience for him," she said.

"Jesus, Em...whose side are you on?" I asked.

"Yours, of course! I just don't want you to blame it all on his supposed rivalry with Matt. I thinks there's more to Severide than meets the eye," said Em.

"I don't know, Em...you may be right but I rarely saw a different side to him. Sometimes I wonder if I did something to make him think our relationship was more than it was. When Matt came back into my life, the definition of what Kelly and I had changed, but not purposely. I never wanted to hurt Kelly, but finding Matthew again was a gift I thought I'd never get," I said.

"But you did hurt Kelly, Mads. He was pretty messed up," said Em.

"I know, but it still doesn't excuse what he did. I stayed faithful to him, Em...even going so far as refusing Matthew's advances," I said.

"Seems to me that there's jealousy on both ends and mistakes were made," she said. She was right. I had seen evidence of Matt's jealousy over Kelly as recently as this morning.

"You're right, Em...but it's over and done now. Kelly and I talked for a long time this morning and I think he got the message. Let's change the subject now," I said, devouring the last of my pasta. We ordered a third round of drinks and after the waitress cleared our table, Em and I began to talk like old times. After a fourth round, we started getting louder and sillier, laughing at everything and everyone. By the fifth round, we were up dancing like two drunken fools. As we embarrassed ourselves by singing loudly to Christina Aguilera's "Just A Fool", Em's face suddenly froze. I spun around on my heels to see what was causing Em to stop to see Leslie Shay and Kelly walking from the bar and cutting through the dance floor. Kelly's eyes caught mine just as Em grabbed me by my sleeve and dragged me back to our table.

"Fuck...I knew this would happen," said Em.

"Nothing's happened. He's here with a friend for a drink, Em. There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, Kelly and I are cool," I said as the waitress set down a sixth round of drinks.

"We didn't order these," said Em to the waitress.

"The gentleman in the black leather jacket over there sent them to you," said the waitress. I prayed that it was a peace offering and that would be the end of it. I looked over to where Kelly had been standing but didn't immediately see him. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him walking from the jukebox towards the bar. He jumped up onto the top of the bar and started shouting over the crowd.

"This song is dedicated to the pretty blonde woman seated in the back, whose face is now turning a lovely shade of red," he yelled. I could hear "Ho Hey" playing by The Lumineers as a hush fell over the crowd.

"_I've been trying to do it right...I've been living a lonely life...I've been sleeping here instead...I've been sleeping in my bed..."_

"He's gone insane," I said. Just then, Shay appeared at our table.

"He's not insane...he's drunk, Madeleine. Cut him some slack, OK?" said Shay. She didn't seem to care that he was embarrassing himself, let alone me.

"_I belong to you...you belong to me...you're my sweetheart..."_

"You just keep standing up for him no matter what, huh Shay? No matter who he hurts or shits on. Fuck off," I said. My head was spinning now from the vodka. I pulled my phone out of my purse, handed it to Em and told her to call Matthew. Shay turned and walked back to the bar to try to coax Kelly to come down.

"_I don't think you're right for him...think of what it might have been..."_

"Subtle, isn't he?" said Em as she dialed Matt's cell phone. We gathered our things and started to leave when Kelly jumped down from the bar and walked over to our table. He had a drunken smirk on his face.

"Are you proud of yourself, Kelly?" I asked.

"What was it you said to me earlier today? Oh yes...it got your attention, didn't it?" he said making quotation marks in the air with his fingers. I pushed past him with Em following closely behind me. He followed us out into the street, with Shay coming out after him.

"Leave her alone, Severide," said Em, positioning herself between him and me.

"Does he fuck better than me, Mads? Does he make you scream the way I used to? Tell me, goddammit...TELL ME!" he shouted. I covered my ears to muffle his screaming. This can't be happening, I told myself.

"STOP IT!" I screamed back at him

"Kelly...that's enough!" I heard Shay shout as she dragged him away from me and towards his Camaro.

"Ask him what really happened between him and Hallie, Mads...you'll be back in my bed...I guarantee it," he said as Shay pushed his drunken ass into the back seat of the Camaro. As she drove away and the street became silent again, I was suddenly aware that I was shaking like a leaf.

"I'm begging you, Em...don't say a word about this to Matthew or he'll explode...you know that," I said as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

"I won't but if this shit continues, Matthew will find out eventually and be pissed at you for not telling him sooner," she said.

"I know...just not now," I said, still shaking.

"So much for you and Kelly being cool' said Em.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

I leaned my head against Matt's shoulder fighting the urge to cry all the way home. Em sat silently in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead. I had pleaded with her not to say anything to Matthew about what happened. I would have to deal with it sooner or later, but I didn't want to start anything now. He knew he would be upset by this and I had no way of knowing how he'd react, but it wasn't something I wanted to deal with now, especially when I was drunk.

"You two look rough. It must have been a hell of a night," said Matthew.

"You have no idea," said Em. I kicked her left shin to signal her to shut up and and lifted my head off of Matt's shoulder just long enough to shoot her an angry look.

"Ouch! Goddammit, Madster!" she shouted, rubbing her leg.

"What's wrong?" asked Matt. I looked at Em and mouthed "_say nothing" t_o her. In the mood I was in and with the amount of vodka inside me, I might just be tempted to fire her if she even hinted at what happened.

"Ummm...nothing. Just a leg cramp. Maddy made me get up and dance, so I'm blaming her for the pain," said Em.

"Dancing? The two of you? I wish I could have seen that," said Matt as he pulled into the driveway.

"Trust me, you don't. Be very thankful you weren't there," said Em. I pinched her left arm as I followed her out the passenger side door of Matt's truck. She shrieked with a mixture of surprise and pain.

"More cramps?" asked Matt as he walked up the front steps.

"Ummm...yeah and that last one was a bitch," said Em, poking her tongue out at me.

We walked inside the house and Em went directly up the stairs. I followed close behind her.

"What the hell are you trying to do, Em? Matthew is not stupid, for Christ's sake! I'd be surprised now if he didn't start asking me questions," I said, trying to whisper. Matt was downstairs turning off the lights and locking up, but I was still afraid he could hear me.

"You can't keep this from him forever, Mads and I don't think you can handle this alone anymore. He deserves to know. He loves you...a lot," said Em. To be honest, I wasn't sure if Matthew loved me more than he disliked Kelly.

"I will tell him, Em...just not now. Please respect that," I said. I could hear Matt coming up the stairs, so I gave her a pleading look before reached the top step.

"What are you two up to?" he asked. He had a look on his face that was both suspicious and amused.

"Nothing...just saying goodnight and sweet dreams and that sort of shit," said Em.

"OK then, good night, Em...and all that sort of shit," said Matthew said with a smirk. He then grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom. He shut the door and walked up in front of me as I was undressing.

"You've been quiet tonight. You didn't say a word on the drive home," he said as he helped me unbutton my shirt.

"Just tired, Matt...that's all," I said as he slipped my shirt off my shoulders.

"You'd tell me if it was something else, right?" he said, lifting my chin up with his finger. I managed to smile at him but couldn't answer the question. I leaned in and softly kissed his mouth, hoping to deflect the conversation away from the pending interrogation.

"You taste like vodka and cranberry juice," he said, with a huge grin. I kissed him again, then sat down on the bed and pulled off my boots and jeans, then padded to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Matthew followed behind me.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, looking at me in the mirror from behind. I wiped my mouth, then turned around to face him.

"I'm drunk and exhausted, Matthew...it's nothing more sinister than that," I said, sounding more annoyed than I intended. His face expressed concern as he leaned in and tentatively kissed me. I could tell by his eyes that he didn't fully believe me. All I could hope for now was that I'd fall into a drunken sleep before he came to bed, putting an end to this God awful day. I had my father's birthday celebration tomorrow and I needed to put aside all the drama of the last 24 hours to focus on that. He deserved that and so did I. As Matt finished up in the bathroom, I took off my bra and climbed into bed. My head was pounding and the room was slowly spinning as Matthew climbed in beside me. He immediately snuggled up close, putting his arm around me and pulling me to him.

"You're worrying me," he said softly as he stroked my hair. I cuddled into the crook of his arm and played with his chest hair. His body was warm and his skin was faintly scented with the remnants of his cologne.

"I'm fine, Matt...just wiped out from the first week on the new job and now I'm full of liquor," I said with a yawn. He gently rolled over on his side and intertwined his legs with mine as he pulled me in closer. His mouth found mine and the fingers of his right hand gently caressed my left nipple. I could feel his growing erection beneath his black boxer briefs poking into my thigh. There was no way in hell that my body would respond to him right now. I was too tired and too drunk and too stressed.

"Matthew, baby...please...I can barely keep my eyes open," I said as I stroked his cheek with my fingers. The look of disappointment, hurt and confusion nearly broke my heart, but my mind just wanted to shut down for a few hours while he held me in his arms. I needed to feel safe and protected now.

"OK, baby...I understand. Good night," he said before kissing me softly on the forehead and rolling over onto his back. I snuggled up close and rested my hand on his chest as he wrapped his arm around my back. The rhythm of Matthew's breathing quickly calmed my frazzled nerves and I drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke up the next morning to a pounding headache and the weight of Matthew's leg draped over mine. He was pressed up tight to my back with his hand resting on my hip and his face pushed into the back of my neck. It was 8:45 AM and I desperately needed to pee and take some ibuprofen. I tried to move without waking him. I wriggled out from under his leg and slowly got out of bed. He let out a grunt as I got up, but never opened his eyes as he rolled over. I went into the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet and found the ibuprofen. I quickly swallowed three of them, then brushed my teeth to help unglue my tongue from the roof of my mouth. I walked back into the bedroom and picked up my phone from the bedside table. Two missed calls and two voicemail messages.

"Opening my eyes to see you in black lace panties and no bra is a hell of a way to start my Sunday. Sexy as hell, Maddy," said Matthew.

"Oh bullshit, Casey...I look like a hooker," I said, putting my phone down and sitting on the side of the bed. I'd deal with the messages later.

"You're beautiful," he said, wrapping me up in his arms and pulling me backwards into bed so my head was resting on his stomach. He lightly stroked my hair with one hand and played with my fingers with the other.

"You're biased, Lieutenant," I said, entwining my fingers with his. He suddenly shifted his body and positioned himself beside me, lying sideways on the bed.

"Let's go away, Maddy. Just you and me for a weekend somewhere. Away from hospitals and firehouses. Maybe a B&B on the lake or a remote cabin in the woods," he said.

"That sounds perfect," I said. Remote sounded good right about now. I wanted to get as far away from Kelly Severide as I possibly could.

"Maybe in a couple of weeks when I have the weekend off again. I want you to all to myself," he said.

"That's just what I need," I said.

"And this is just what I need," he said, slowly pushing me over and crawling on top of me.

"Sneaky," I said, wrapping my legs around him.

"Yep...among other things," he said with a grin as he slid his hand down inside the front of my panties. Just as he started to kiss me, my phone began to ring.

"It may be Addison. I have to answer it," I said. Matthew reluctantly rolled off of me and onto his side. I looked at the caller ID and shook my head.

"Someone does not want us to have sex!" he said, sounding frustrated but mildly amused.

"Guess who..." I said to him before answering the phone. Matthew pointed in the direction of the guest room across the hall with his thumb. I shook my head yes and to my surprise, he grabbed the phone out of my hand.

"That's three times now in the last week that you've interrupted Maddy and me about to have sex. This had better be good, Morrison!" he shouted into the phone. I laid back down on the bed, shaking with fits of laughter.

"Oh my God, Matthew! She'll pound you if she's hungover!" I said, holding my side.

"She says she needs ibuprofen now or she'll die. I'll take her some but she may die anyway because I may kill her," he said, starting to laugh himself. He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom where I could hear him rustling in the medicine cabinet. He came out of the bathroom and headed for the door.

"Ummm, Matthew? You may want to put some pants on before you go. Boy Scouts could camp underneath that tent you're pitching in your boxer briefs," I said, laughing even harder.

"Shit!" he said. He walked back over to his side of the bed and pulled his jeans on before leaving.

I was still giggling when I jumped in the shower to start to get ready for the day. I tried to think of a way to explain to my father why Matthew would be with me instead of Kelly at his birthday dinner without giving him all the details. I still hadn't told him that Kelly and I had broken up and in hindsight, that probably wasn't a good thing. This was going to be tricky, but I hoped my father trusted me enough to understand. I closed my eyes and let the hot water cascade over me until the sound of the shower door opening startled me.

"Emily is medicated and went back to sleep, the coffee is on, the bedroom door is locked and you are finally all mine," said Matthew as stepped into the shower with me.

"Hello there, you handsome firefighter," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. I felt bad about not being in the mood to make love last night. Now in the light of day with a dose of ibuprofen in me and this beautiful naked man in my shower, I wanted him badly.

His mouth hungrily devoured mine as he backed me up hard against the shower wall. His mouth moved down to my breasts and I could hear myself moan as he sucked each nipple in turn. The hot water streamed down over us, pounding on our skin and heightening our senses. He was like a feral cat, stalking and capturing his prey and all I wanted to do was to stop running and succumb to him and let him leave me bleeding and breathless and wanting more.

I reached down and grabbed his erection and slowly stroked him. He moaned into my mouth as he kissed me, pushing me harder into the wall.

"Fuck me, Maddy...please," he groaned. I had never heard him talk like this before and the sound of his words was like throwing gasoline on a fire . I slowly turned around and faced the shower wall, bending fully at the waist. Matthew took a step or two back and slowly stroked himself as I reached between my legs and ran my middle down between my legs and rubbing my clitoris.

"No baby, you fuck me," I said, continuing to finger myself and hoping he wouldn't be turned off by the foul language that was coming out of my mouth. I was shocked at my own brazenness.

He stepped closer to me and placed one hand on my bottom, then slowly guided his cock inside me. He leaned down to me and reached around between my legs to rub my swollen clitoris. I was wetter than I had ever been, inside and out, as he began to thrust. I clawed at the shower wall, finding no purchase there as he thrust deeper and harder. His fingers masterfully manipulated my sensitive little bud and his cock masterfully manipulated the rest of me. A powerful orgasm shook me almost immediately and I gripped his cock over and over as I came hard...harder than I had ever come before in my life. Matthew shifted his hands to my hips and continued to pound in and out of me, faster and faster, until he grunted and released inside me.

We stood there still hooked together and unable to move for several minutes. As our breathing came under control, Matthew slowly withdrew from me and placed several kisses on my back. I slowly stood up again and Matthew pulled me back to him, cupping my breasts and kissing my neck and ear. I closed my eyes and reveled in his touch. I had never had sex like that before and I was overwhelmed with emotion. Warm tears ran down my cheeks as the warm shower washed over us.

"Marry me," he whispered as he bit my ear lobe.

I froze. I couldn't move or speak. I had imagined Matthew saying those words since I was eighteen years old, but somehow asking me to marry him seconds after he had an orgasm didn't seem to count. I stood there silent, my hands hanging loosely at my sides. He turned me around so that we were face to face.

"Did you hear me?" he asked, sounding uncertain. His eyes searched my face for an expression or some kind of sign that I understood what he had just asked.

"Yes, Matthew...I did," I finally said. I grabbed the towel hanging over the door and wrapped it around me before stepping out of the shower. I felt Matthew grab my arm, stopping me from leaving.

"Maddy?" he said loudly. I pulled away from him and left the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I stood on the other side for a few seconds trying to grasp what had just happened. I heard the shower door close and knew Matthew would be close behind me. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweater from my closet and dressed quickly. Matthew came out of the bathroom and approached me cautiously as I was making the bed.

"Silly me. I thought you'd be happy if I asked you to get married," I said. He stood there in his jeans and no shirt, with his hands folded across his chest and a defiant look on his face, almost like he waiting for a fight. If he pushed me, he might get one.

"Jesus, Matthew...everyone in the goddamn free world knows that the words "I love you" and "marry me" lose all meaning during and immediately after having sex! That's like on page one of the relationship handbook, for Christ's sake!" I shouted, as I threw one of the bed pillows at him. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Matthew rubbed his hands over his face and let out a sigh as he walked around to my side of the bed and sat down. He extended his hand up to me and I put my hand in his and sat beside him.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't using my head," he said quietly.

"Yes you were. You were just using the wrong one," I said. I could hear him snigger slightly before getting on his knees in front of me and taking my hands in his.

"We are finally back together after a very long separation and after only a week, I know what I want...what I need...and it's you. I'm sorry I blurted it out in the shower like that after we made love, but the intensity of it all was overwhelming. It's never been like that before...not with anyone," he said, his blue-green eyes looking up at me.

I dropped down to the floor on my knees in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly. His hands slid around my waist, pulling me close. I pressed my lips to his and kissed him softly.

"Ask me again sometime," I whispered into his ear.

"I plan to," he whispered back.

We were suddenly startled by a loud banging on the bedroom door.

"Hey guys...don't you feed your guests? I need food!" said Em's voice from the hallway. We both looked at each other and started laughing. It had been an interesting Sunday so far and I could only hope that it would get more normal from here on out.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"What time is your father's thing?" Matt asked as he scrambled some eggs for a late breakfast. He was still in just his jeans and he was barefoot, and if he asked me to marry him again right this minute, I would say yes.

"I told him I'd be there around 5:00," I said.

"There's a thing? You didn't tell me there was a 'thing' today. What kind of a thing?" asked Em, munching on some toast.

"My father's birthday dinner, Em...not exactly exciting," I said.

"After last night, I think I've had enough excitement to last me a while," said Em.

"You two must have really cut loose last night," said Matt, scraping out the eggs onto three plates.

"So Emily, you wanna come with us to Dad's birthday dinner?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. She knows that when I use her full name, I'm warning her in some way. She nodded yes as she shoveled food into her mouth and never looked up from her plate.

"I'm going to run home, Maddy. I haven't been there since Friday and I need to check on things and change my clothes. I'll come back around 4:30, OK?" said Matt. He kissed me and then ran upstairs, leaving Em and me alone for the first time since last night.

"When are you going to tell him about Kelly?" asked Em.

"How do you know I haven't already?" I asked her, sounding defiant.

"He's way too happy, Mads...he hasn't got a clue, does he?" she asked.

"Not yet, but I'll tell him," I said.

"When?" she asked.

"When the time is right, Emily...now shut it," I said, as I heard Matt coming back down the stairs. I got up from the dining room table and met him in the entry hall.

"See you later, my handsome firefighter," I said. He pulled me in close and kissed me softly.

"I feel like such an idiot," he said, looking into my eyes.

"Don't. You just had lousy timing, that's all," I said. Matthew cocked one eyebrow and looked at me with a wicked smirk.

"Not THAT, Lt. Casey...that was...umm...fucking perfect," I whispered, referring to our shower sex.

"Or perfect fucking," he said, grinning.

"I love you, you know," I said, smiling at him.

"I love you too, Maddy...so much," he said before kissing me again. He called goodbye to Em before leaving and I watched him pull away in his truck until he was out of sight.

"Perfect fucking?" Em said as she suddenly appeared behind me.

"You must have ears like the goddamn Bionic Woman!" I said, turning around and looking at her in total embarrassment.

"And bad timing? What was that all about?" asked Em. I suddenly regretted asking her to spend the night.

"Nothing, Emily...now drop it," I said, giving her a stern look.

"I don't scare easily, Madeleine," she countered.

"You don't do anything easily, Emily," I returned.

"Come on, Mads...tell me! You know you want to," she said, poking at my arm as I cleared the dishes off the table. She was right. I did want to tell her but I was afraid she'd make a smart ass comment about Matthew that would piss me off.

"What do you want to know first... the bad timing or the perfect fucking?" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"The perfect fucking, of course!" She squealed. She was so childishly predictable, but I loved that about her.

"We had the most amazing sex this morning...in the shower," I said. I felt a twinge between my legs recalling the memory of it.

"Oh my God...and?" she asked, hungrily waiting for the answer.

"It was unlike anything either of us had ever experienced before. We both cried. It was unbelievably beautiful," I said, trying not to reveal too much.

"That doesn't sound like bad timing to me," she said.

"It definitely wasn't," I said, hoping she'd stop asking questions now.

"Then what was?" she asked. Dammit. She never gives up.

"I'll tell you but you have to promise me that you won't get how you get...all smart assy and wisecracking...otherwise, I may be looking for a new best friend," I said, sounding as seriously as I could manage without going all boss-like on her.

"I won't...I swear," she said making a cross sign over her heart.

"The bad timing was Matthew asking me to marry him...right after we...ummm...finished," I said. I braced myself for the biting comments that were sure to follow.

"Oh my God! What did you say? You said yes, didn't you? I'm your Maid of Honor, right?" she said. She was practically screaming.

"I said nothing. I didn't answer him. No one should ask you to marry them immediately after having a mind blowing orgasm, Em. It doesn't count!" I said.

"Madeleine Elizabeth Coventry! You've waited years for that man and you blow off his proposal on a technicality?" she shrieked.

"He said he'd ask me again, so calm down. Jesus Em, you're more upset than I am!" I said.

"I know but I just can't believe you didn't say yes!" she said.

"If you took seriously everything any man said to you after he came, you'd be even more bonkers than you are now," I said.

"True enough," said Em, grinning sheepishly.

"I'll wait and when the time is right, he'll ask me again...and I will definitely accept. Is that OK with you, Ms. Nosey Knickers?" I said sarcastically.

"Only if I get to be your Maid of Honor," she said

"Of course...but you'll have to wear a long, possibly frilly dress," I said.

"I'll make the sacrifice for you. Just don't make me look like a frigging meringue," she said before giving me a hug. Sometimes, she surprised me. I finished clearing the table, put the finishing touches on my father's cake, cleaned up the kitchen and went back upstairs to take the messages off my phone. I closed the bedroom door and walked to the bedside table to pick up my phone.

The first message was from a number I didn't recognize...

"_Hey Madeleine...it's Leslie Shay. Look...I'm not happy about you dumping Kelly or what he did, but I'm really sorry about last night. He's still reeling from having messed things up with you, then on top of that, an old girlfriend came back to town and dumped some surprise news on him Thursday night. He started drinking almost immediately after he got off shift Friday morning. I tried to stop him, but you know as well as I do that stopping Kelly from destructive behavior is damn near impossible. I just wanted you to know that. Call me if you want..."_

The second message was from Kelly. No surprise there. His words were thick and slurred.

"_Mads...it's me...I'm so fucked up I can't even see straight...things you don't know...I'm always in the middle of shit...you were a good thing...right thing...and I fucked it up...I never said I was perfect...but Casey's not perfect either...he's fucked up too Mads...look up Hallie Thomas at Lakeshore...you'll see...I just don't want you to be hurt anymore...I'm sorry about all of it..."_

That's twice now that he's said something about Matthew having secrets and being fucked up. Kelly had to know that I already knew the story about Matthew's mother and father. Other than that, Matthew didn't seem the least bit messed up. He was a little intense sometimes, but he was the most honest and genuine man I had ever known besides my father. I passed it off as jealousy and decided to call Shay.

"Hi Leslie...it's Madeleine Coventry. Do you have a few minutes to talk?" I said.

"Hi Madeleine...yeah, i'm glad you called," she replied.

"How's Kelly this morning?"

"He's in rough shape, Madeleine...he's in bed right now."

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Sure...go ahead," she replied.

"Why did you cover for Kelly the night I found him in bed with Renee Whaley?"

"I didn't cover for him. He told me he was sick, asked me to tell you when I saw you at Molly's and locked himself in his bedroom. What else was I supposed to do?"

"You didn't think it was strange that Kelly couldn't call me himself?"

"Everything that Kelly has been doing lately is strange, Madeleine...especially since you two broke up."

"Just to be clear...I didn't dump Kelly. He was the one that screwed up, Shay...not me."

"But your whoring around with Casey didn't help matters."

"I did NOT whore around, Shay. You don't know me well enough to judge me like that. I have never been unfaithful to any man I've been involved with. Even my ex-husband will tell you that. The worst I can be accused of with Matthew is sharing a couple of kisses, not that it's any of your fucking business. That hardly constitutes 'whoring around'...nor is it an excuse for Kelly to take Renee to bed," I hissed. I was so angry, I could have strangled her. How dare she make assumptions about me. She didn't even know me.

"Look...Maddy, I'm sorry...I just thought..."

"You have no right, Shay...no fucking right to say those things to me. In the three months Kelly and I dated, you barely acknowledged me...and don't call me 'Maddy'...only my friends call me that and you are definitely not my friend."

"OK, I'm sorry...really I am. I shouldn't have said that...but this is not about me and you. It's about Kelly. He's going through a lot right now...I have no idea what he'll do next. I'm scared for him. Can we call a truce...for Kelly's sake? He needs help, Madeleine," she said. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

"Why would you think I'd want to help him?"

"You cared about him once."

"Once, yes...but Kelly and I are done. I did care about him and he threw that away. He needs to stay away from me and let me live my life now. It was a three month affair for which I am thankful. Let's not pretend it was anything more," I said.

"I think it was for him...and he needs all the support he can get now. He has no family to turn to."

"Can I ask what the hell happened that's been so earth shattering?"

"The woman he was seeing before he met you came back from Spain and announced she's five months pregnant with his baby," she said. I sat there dumbstruck. I had to wonder what modern woman in this day and age doesn't insist on some kind of birth control.

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry he's going through a bad time, but it's his own fault," I said.

"I know that...and so does he," she said. If I was being honest with myself, I did feel sorry for him. Kelly is basically a good man who made some bad choices.

"Look, Shay...you may not believe this but I don't want Kelly to suffer. What's done is done between us. Neither of us can change that. I'll offer my support to you, if that's what you think he needs, but I want him to back off from me and from Matthew...and you can tell him that," I said.

"That's all I ask, Madeleine...if he knows you don't hate him, I think that will help things," she said.

"Of course I don't hate him, but if he continues to harass me or Matthew I swear, Shay...I will follow through on the threat to report him the the CFU. I want it to stop," I said.

"Fair enough. I've worked with both Casey and Kelly for a long time now and they have always been at odds over everything...procedures at a fire scene...truck versus squad...they even argued over Andy Darden's wife, Heather. One always has to have the upper hand in every situation...and I think you may be the monkey in the middle, Madeleine," she said.

"Are you saying that Matthew is only with me now to prove to Kelly that he's won?" I asked, ready to take her head off.

"No, I don't mean that. I don't know Casey enough to judge him ..but I do know Kelly and I know his behavior is fueled by this rivalry. I know he cares about you and is sorry he blew it with you, but his male stubbornness and his insatiable need to top Casey is mainly to blame. I'd bet my life on it," she said

"Then why all the drama last night? Why make a scene with me if it's about Matthew and not me?" I said.

"That was a direct result of Renee #2 showing up...and the beer binge that followed," she said.

"What about him sleeping with Renee #1? He led me to believe he did that because he thought Matthew and I were sleeping together," I said.

"She came over to talk to him just before we were leaving for Molly's that night. He told me to go ahead without him and he'd meet me later. Halfway there, he called me and said he wasn't feeling well. We think she may have drugged him, Madeleine...she's unstable," she said.

"He seemed pretty coherent to me when I got there and found her on top of him in his bed," I said, not fully believing what she was telling me.

"I can't speak to that, Madeleine. I only know what he's told me, but I know that he would never purposely hurt you like that over having seen a few kisses between you and Matthew. He's ashamed, embarrassed and angry...and now he's scared," she said. I sat there on the edge of my bed trying to soak it all in.

"This is a lot to absorb, Shay. I don't know what to think right now. Kelly never mentioned one word about any of this to me. I mean, I did pick up on the rivalry thing when I visited the firehouse a couple of weeks ago...but I never thought it would go this far," I said.

"I don't think Kelly thought it would end up like this either...and now it's gone way beyond a simple misunderstanding. Now there's a rivalry, a baby and possibly a criminal investigation. I hope you can find it in your heart to help him in some way," she said.

"I'll do what I can but I don't really know how much help I can offer," I said dryly.

"I understand and thanks Madeleine...just don't shut him out...not now. Goodbye," she said before hanging up. I felt at a loss, not knowing in what direction to turn. I was caught between a rock and a hard place.

I looked at the clock and noticed that I had two hours before I needed to leave for Dad's house. I decided to unwind in a hot bubble bath before leaving. I had think about how to tell Dad about Kelly and Matthew. This wasn't going to be easy.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

"Who's going to be at this shindig?" asked Em from the backseat of my car as we drove to my father's house.

"You, me, Matthew and my Dad. In the past, whenever I visited, he would invite one of his cronies to bring their sons over to try to marry me off, but he stopped that after I read him the riot act," I said, turning around to answer her.

"Really? Good to know," said Matthew grinning as he turned the car onto the street where my father lived. I had grown up in this house, so Matthew was very familiar with the neighborhood. We pulled up in front of my father's house and piled out of the car.

"Maddy, my baby girl! I've missed you, honey!" said my father as he opened the front door. He picked me up in a big bear hug and spun me around. To my father, I was still a 6 year old girl and that suited me just fine.

"How are you feeling, Daddy?" I asked as he set me back down on the floor.

"Great, honey...just great!" he said, looking curiously out the front door. Em and Matthew were standing on the front porch looking in.

"Emily! It's so good to see you," said Dad, hugging her.

'It's nice to see you too, Mr. Coventry," she squeaked.

"Daddy...I'm pretty sure you'll remember this guy," I said, trying to ease Matthew's presence into the conversation.

"Hello, sir...it's a pleasure to see you again," said Matthew extending his hand to my father. Dad took his hand tentatively and looked him squarely in the eye.

"Matt Casey? Well, I'll be damned! Where the hell have you been hiding yourself?" said Dad, shaking his hand vigorously, then pulling him into a hug and patting him hard on the back.

"I've been right here in Chicago, sir," answered Matthew. I could tell he didn't want to talk about the last sixteen years since he and my father had seen each other. I prayed that Dad would drop the subject.

"What's with this 'sir' crap? Call me Jim," said Dad.

"OK...Jim," said Matthew, flashing that extraordinary smile of his.

"Let's bring these supplies into the kitchen so we can get started on dinner. You guys with me?" Em suddenly blurted out. Thank God for Emily Morrison's inappropriate social behavior. It had saved me from many an awkward situation. Of course, it had also gotten me into many awkward situations. We all followed Dad into the house.

"What's on the menu tonight, baby girl?" asked Dad.

"Beef stroganoff, noodles, mixed green salad with homemade raspberry vinaigrette...and double chocolate cake for dessert," I said.

"She's turned into quite a master chef, Matt. Her asshole husband never appreciated it," said Dad.

"Daddy!" I said, scolding him.

I'm sorry, honey," he said. He immediately turned around and whispered "_he was an asshole...trust me" _to Matthew. I rolled my eyes as Matthew grinned sheepishly.

"Go set the table, Daddy," I said sternly, pointing to the dining room.

"Yes, ma'am," said Dad, saluting me before he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

"Your father is a hoot, Mads!" said Em as she tossed the salad.

"Yeah, he's a hoot alright," I said.

"Don't be too hard on him, Maddy...he's obviously very proud of his daughter, and only wants the best for her," said Matthew as he hugged me from behind while I stood at the stove preparing dinner. I quickly moved free from Matthew's embrace, afraid that my father would see. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression about me or Matthew. As far as my father knew, I was still dating Kelly Severide.

"Maddy?" Matthew said, looking hurt.

"My father doesn't know about us yet, Matthew. He still thinks I'm with Kelly," I said, feeling stupid. Just then, my father came back into the kitchen.

"Smells delicious, baby girl!" said Dad. In his eyes, I did everything perfectly.

"It's almost ready. Do you have any wine, Daddy?" I said. Without speaking, he opened the refrigerator and took out two bottles of wine and held them up.

"I'll get the glasses," said Em, rummaging through the kitchen cabinets. Matthew dressed the salad as I put the beef stroganoff on a serving platter and carried it into the dining room. When the food was on the table, we all sat down and began to eat.

"So, Matthew...what have you been up to since I last saw you?" asked my father. I secretly crossed my fingers, hoping that he wouldn't ask him about his parents.

"Well, let's see...I graduated high school then knocked around trade school for a couple of years to hone my carpentry skills," answered Matthew.

"That's right...you were always tearing things down and building them up again back then," said Dad.

"Matthew has his own construction company and recently renovated my kitchen, Daddy...it's absolutely beautiful," I said proudly.

"Your own company? That's great, Matt. Business must drop off in the winter though," said Dad.

"Yeah it does. I had to pick up a second job for just that reason," said Matt.

"And what's that?" asked Dad.

"I'm a firefighter for the City of Chicago, Lieutenant of Truck 81 at Firehouse 51," said Matt. I held my breath, waiting for the obvious connection to Kelly to pop into his head.

"Are you now? Maddy's boyfriend is also a firefighter. He's a lieutenant too. Kelly Severide...you know him?" asked Dad.

"Yes sir, I do...we're on first shift together," said Matthew without skipping a beat.

"Daddy, there's something I need to tell you," I said, choosing what seemed like the right moment to explain everything.

"Isn't that just a goddamn coincidence! Her new boyfriend and her high school boyfriend working together," said my father. He had such a lyrical turn of a phrase.

"Daddy...Kelly and I are not..." I began to say until I was interrupted by a banging on my father's front door. I started to get up from my seat, but my father stopped me.

"Sit right there, baby girl...I've got a surprise for you," said my father. He got up from the table and walked to the front door. I could hear him talking and the sound of another man's voice, but it was muffled and I didn't immediately recognize it. My father returned to the dining room with the mystery guest following behind him.

"Look who's here, honey," said my father as he pointed to the man standing behind him. There, behind my father stood Kelly Severide.

"Hey guys..," said Kelly, looking rough and a little nervous.

"Awkward," I heard Em say under her breath.

"I saw Kelly at the gas station the other day and reminded him about my birthday dinner being changed. You thought he might have to work, remember?" said my Dad, beaming from ear to ear. He was clearly pleased with himself for surprising me with my boyfriend.

"Yeah, Daddy...I remember," I said quietly. I glanced over at Matthew. His face was a mixture of a lovely shade of red and quiet consternation.

"Sit down, son...there's plenty of food! Maddy rustled up quite a feast here. She's an amazing cook...but you already know that," said my father, pulling out the chair at the end of the table for Kelly to sit. I felt powerless to say anything and the last thing I wanted was to make a scene at my father's birthday celebration.

"Here...these are for you, Jim," said Kelly, handing him the box of cigars he had purchased. My father looked at me for what appeared to be a sign of approval.

"You know you're not supposed to be smoking...and so does Kelly...but you're a big boy, Daddy," I said.

"Just one once in a while won't hurt me, baby girl" said Dad.

"Tell that one to your cardiologist," said Em.

Matthew was seated across from me and remained uncomfortably quiet. I could tell this was as difficult for him as it was for me. All of us sat there eating in relative quiet until Kelly leaned over to me and whispered something.

"Shay told me the two of you talked today," he said. I nodded in agreement. The less said out loud at this point, the better.

"Are we OK then, Mads?" he said.

"More or less...but can we not do this here?" I whispered.

"What are you two love birds whispering about?" my father asked. With that, Matthew abruptly pushed himself away from the table and got up.

"Daddy, there's something I need to tell you. I should have told you before now, but I've been so preoccupied with my new job that I just haven't had the time," I said, trying to diffuse the bomb that was ticking inside of Matthew.

"What is it, baby girl?" he asked.

"Your daughter and I broke up, Jim," said Kelly, blurting it out. I shot him a look at him that should have withered his testicles.

"Oh fuck...here we go," said Em.

"Is this true, Maddy?" my father asked me, looking concerned.

"Yes, Daddy...it is," I said.

"But never fear, Jim...Casey swooped right in there and took my place...as usual," said Kelly.

"Is that how you see it, Severide? Then you're a bigger fool than I originally thought because she never belonged to you in the first place. She's always belonged to me," bellowed Matthew and getting into Kelly's face as he stood up from the dining room table.

"Not here, guys...not now. Have a little fucking respect," said Em, who was also standing now.

"What the hell is going on?" asked my father. He looked confused and slightly pale. I grabbed his hand and held it tightly in mine.

"It's OK, Daddy...a few things happened and Kelly and I decided to split up. That's all," I said, trying to calm him.

"Yeah...and one of those 'things' was screwing his former fiancee," said Matthew, looking straight at Kelly.

"OK you two monkeys...you need to take this outside," said Em, pushing at Matthew's back and trying to corral them out the front door.

"Daddy, I'll explain everything when I come back inside. Just promise me you'll sit tight until this is all over," I said.

"OK, baby girl...if you say so," he replied, still looking pale. I kissed him and followed the rest of them outside, where I found Em standing between Matthew and Kelly.

"What a disgusting spectacle this is...two of Chicago's finest firefighters out here, ready to come to blows over stupid bullshit, not to mention ruining my father's birthday in the process. You both should be very proud of yourselves," I spat out in disgust.

"He's a liar and a cheater, Maddy...you know that," said Matthew, looking angrier than I had ever seen him before.

"I'm the liar, Casey? Really? Did you tell her about Hallie yet? Did you?" Kelly screamed at him.

"Will both of you just shut the fuck up?!" yelled Em, pushing them apart with her hands. Matthew's face drained of blood at the precise moment Kelly mentioned Hallie.

"Hallie Thomas is in Matthew's past, Kelly...just like a Renee Whaley is in yours," I said, taking an unnecessary dig.

"It doesn't give him a free pass to take her to bed, Maddy," said Matthew.

"There's a lot you don't know, Matthew, so don't judge him until you have all the facts," I said.

"At least I have the balls to be honest about it all...not like you, Casey...you're hiding the goddamn truth and you know it. Madeleine deserves to know...before her life is put at risk too," said Kelly.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Matthew?" I said, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

"Maddy, I..." Matthew started to say, but he was quickly interrupted by Kelly.

"Hallie Thomas was murdered, Mads...I'll bet you he never told you that, did he? No...he made it seem like they broke up and Hallie went on her merry fucking way, didn't he? Tell her you're seeing a psychiatrist, Casey...tell her everything," said Kelly, yelling. My heart stopped and I felt as though I was going to pass out. I sat down on the the front steps to keep myself from falling down. I looked up at Matthew. His face was pale.

"Is all of this true, Matthew?" I said before the tears started to roll down my cheeks.

"Maddy, please...I was just trying to protect you. Please believe that," said Matthew, walking over to where I was sitting. I could see Em talking to Kelly, trying to convince him to get in his car.

"Protect me from what?" I said through my tears.

"I got on the wrong side of a bad cop and Hallie paid the price. I didn't want you involved in all of that," he said, taking my hands in his.

"Please don't," I said, pulling my hands away from him.

"I'm taking Severide home, Madster...I'll call you later. Love you, babes," I heard Em call out as she got behind the wheel of Kelly's Camaro.

"Maddy...don't do this," said Matthew in a hushed tone. I got up from the front steps and started to walk back inside the house. Matthew followed close behind me and I turned around to face him before opening the front door.

"Right now, all you're going to do is walk back into my father's house and act like everything is okay. Do you understand me?" I said to him, wiping my eyes.

"OK, baby...I will, but kiss me first so I know that you and I are alright," he said, leaning into my face.

"Like hell I will," I said as I jerked away from him and walked through the door.

Matthew and I drove back to my house in complete silence. I had explained Kelly's and my break-up to my father in the simplest terms possible. I also explained how I had never stopped loving Matthew and how we came to be reunited. Matthew even shared the story of his father's murder and his mother's arrest. My father seemed to understand and take it all in stride. Now, all I could think was I may have to explain why Matthew and I were also breaking up. Matthew handed me the keys to my car as we walked up the front steps on my house.

"Aren't you going to say something... anything?" he asked.

"Yes, Matthew, I am. I don't understand why you lied to me. I don't understand any of this," I said, choking back more tears.

"I didn't lie to you, Maddy. I just didn't tell you everything," he said.

"Why? Did you think I couldn't handle it?" I said.

"I didn't know how you'd feel about me...about any of it," he said.

"Just answer something for me, Matthew. I need to know before we go any further," I said, wiping the tears away.

"You can ask me anything," he said.

"Are you truly in love with me?" I asked. Half of me didn't want to hear the answer.

"Jesus, Maddy...yes, of course I am," he said without hesitating.

"And are you completely over Hallie?" I asked, still not wanting to know the answer. Matthew rubbed his face with his hands in frustration and hesitated before answering me.

"Look...Hallie and I broke up for a short time. We wanted different things, I told you that. She left the country for a while and when she returned, she wanted to get back together," he said.

"And did you?" I asked.

"Yes," said Matthew, barely audible.

"And shortly after that, she was killed," I said, matter of factly.

"Yes," he said again.

"And now you're seeing a psychiatrist because of it," I said.

"She was taken from me so suddenly, Maddy...anyone would be messed up by that," he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Then I'll ask one more time...are you over Hallie or not?" I asked. I held my breath waiting for him to answer. Matthew kept his head down as he spoke.

"I don't know," he said quietly. As I turned to walk inside, Matthew grabbed my arm.

"Maddy, please...don't shut me out...not now," he said, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I wasted five years of my life with a man that I didn't love because I couldn't get the memory of you out of me head. I realize how tough that had to be on Stephen and now that we are finally together, I will be damned if I'm going to take a backseat to the memory of a woman you once loved...and possibly still do," I said. I walked inside my house, slammed the door shut and ran up the stairs to my bedroom.

I could hear Matthew screaming my name just barely over the sound of my uncontrollable sobbing as I laid down on my bed. This couldn't be happening. I undressed, swallowed two sleeping pills for the first time in weeks and climbed into bed, once again praying that I would never wake up.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

"Seriously, Walter...a kissing booth? Why don't we add a wet t-shirt contest and beer pong to the activities and have a free for all," I heard myself blurt out. I was suddenly aware that every eye in the conference room was on me.

"I take it you don't approve, Madeleine?" said Walter.

"No I don't. This is supposed to be a fundraiser for Lakeshore Child and Family Services Center, not a college frat party," I said.

"I agree with Madeleine, Walter...it sends the wrong message," said Karen Hillman, Director of the Lakeshore Foundation.

"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Cliff Wagner, Director of Pharmacy.

"He would...that's why he's nicknamed 'The Tongue'," Em whispered to me. If it wasn't for Em and the extreme need to have a distraction over the last couple of weeks, I would have walked out of this fundraising committee meeting and never looked back.

"All in favor of including a kissing booth at next week's fundraiser, raise your hand," said Walter, putting the ridiculous idea to a vote. Twelve of the fifteen people in the conference room raised their hands.

"Those opposed?" said Walter. Em, Karen and I raised our hands.

"That's it then. A kissing booth it is. Karen, I'll expect you to get right on that since we only have a week until the event kicks off," said Walter.

"I'd like to kick him off...preferably off the roof. Thanks for trying, guys" said Karen to Em and I. We started to leave the conference room when Em gently grabbed my arm and made me sit back down.

"It's been almost three weeks, Mads...talk to him," said Em.

"I don't want to," I said. It had been that long since I had seen or talked to Matthew.

"Yes you do. You're just being a stubborn bitch," she said.

"He hid the truth from me, Em," I said.

"He left a few details out...to protect you," said Em.

"One very important detail," I said.

"Madeleine Elizabeth Coventry...do you hear yourself? If a patient was admitted to this hospital today who was suffering from depression or PTSD, you'd do everything in your power to help them, wouldn't you?" Em asked.

"Playing the social worker card is a cheap shot and not relevant to Matthew and me," I said.

"His fiancee was killed, Mads...that's not something that you just walk away from without a few emotional scars," she said.

"But he couldn't tell me if he's over her. I can't help him with that," I said,.

"But he could tell you that he love you. He didn't hesitate at all when you asked him that, right? So help him with that," she said.

"He told me a lot of things...doesn't mean they're all true," I said.

"You waited nearly half your life for Matthew Casey, Mads. Don't let him go now. He needs you. He misses you," she said, practically pleading with me.

"How the hell do you know what Matthew needs, Emily? You barely know him," I said, sounding a little more nasty than I intended.

"He called me, Mads and we talked for a long time. He's hurting," she said, very matter of factly. For some reason, I wasn't surprised to hear that he had contacted her. Once he realized that I wouldn't return his calls, texts or emails, I knew he would seek alternative ways to contact me.

"Yeah, well...he's not the only one," I said as I got up from the chair and looked out of the conference room window, brushing away a few tears.

"I told him that you were hurting too," she said, coming up behind me and hugging me tight.

"And what did he say to that?" I asked, curious to know what he reaction would be.

"He told me to remind you that your love for each other survived a sixteen year separation and that you will both get through this and find your way back to each other," she said.

"Time to go home, Em. You want to come over tonight, order a pizza and get drunk?" I said. wiping my eyes and quickly changing the subject.

"Oh shit...I...umm...can't tonight, Mads. Kelly and I are going to...going out...sort of a...date" she said, sounding a little hesitant.

"You two really hit it off, didn't you? Even when Kelly and I were dating, I always thought he was better suited to you than me," I said.

"You OK with all of this, Mads? I know it's kind of...fucked up," she said.

"Yeah, I'm OK. You deserve to be happy," I said, hugging her. I truly meant that.

"So do you, Mads...so talk to Matthew, please?" she said.

I kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the conference room without answering her. I couldn't make any promises to her about Matthew right now. I missed him. I missed him to the point of physical pain sometimes. My mouth longed to taste his and my body ached for him every night when I climbed into bed without him. I had cried myself to sleep almost every night for nearly three weeks. I was drinking far too much wine and had barely eaten since the night of my father's birthday dinner. I drove to and from work, not really aware of anything around me. I poured myself into my job to keep my mind off of him and when I came home to my empty house each night, I fought the urge to cry each time I walked into my kitchen.

I drove home the long way, delaying the inevitable lonely evening ahead of me. I went directly upstairs and changed into a t-shirt and lounge pants. I grabbed a bottle of chianti from the fridge. It would most likely trigger a migraine, but it would be nothing compared to the pain I was already feeling. I poured a glass of wine and sat on my couch reading the paper but not absorbing anything. My mind was full...full of Matthew. I sat back and closed my eyes, trying to push the images of him from my mind until a knock on my front door startled me. I opened the door to see Kelly standing there holding a large brown paper bag in front of him.

"Hey Mads," he said.

"Kelly...ummm...if you're looking for Emily, she's not here," I managed to stammer out in my confusion. The wine had hit my empty stomach and was making me a little dizzy, which didn't help.

"I'm here to see you, Mads. Can I come in?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure...I guess," I said as I opened the door wider to let him in.

"Em said you haven't been eating, so I brought your favorite sandwich from that little deli we used to go to," he said, holding up the paper sack.

"Beef brisket from Manny's?" I asked, suddenly feeling very hungry.

"Yep...and a potato pancake, one of their giant chocolate chip cookies and..." he said.

"NO PICKLE!" we both said in unison, giggling.

"Thank you, Kelly...it's very sweet of you," I said as I opened the bag.

"We're friends, Mads...I mean...at least I think we are," he said.

"We are," I said with a mouthful of brisket.

"Good...then as your friend, I want to talk to you about Casey," he said.

"What about him?" I said as I put the sandwich down, suddenly losing my appetite.

"He's a mess, Mads...Boden finally made him take a leave of absence from the firehouse a couple of weeks ago," he said.

"That has little to do with me," I said defiantly.

"It has everything to do with you. He's in love with you and you won't even talk to him," he said.

"He hurt me, Kelly," I said.

"I hurt you too, but here we are. If I deserve a second chance, he sure as hell does," he said.

"What happened between you and I was out of our control...more or less," I said.

"And what happened to Hallie was out of Casey's control. He knows that now," he said.

"Oh really...well, good for him," I said flippantly.

"He's worked really hard to get through this, even taking part in an employee counseling program," he said.

"So...you talk to him? What, the high school rivalry bullshit has cooled off now that you outed his personal problems in front of my father?" I asked, sounding angry as hell.

"I'm sorry about that, Mads...and if I could take it back, I would...but it I did it because I was worried about you," he said.

"Oh really...and I suppose you created that public spectacle at Molly's for the same reason, right?" I said.

"No, Mads...that was for a lot of reasons. I was angry at myself for thinking you were messing with Casey when you weren't...angry at my stupidity for letting Renee drug me...angry at Casey for always winning...all fueled by way too much alcohol," he said, hanging his head low.

"Matthew doesn't always win, Kelly. He's not had an easy life, you know," I said, thinking of his parents and wondering if Kelly knew the story.

"I was feeling sorry for myself, Mads. I'm allowed that much," he said.

"I suppose you are. I suppose any of us are allowed that much," I said.

"Even Casey?" he asked.

"That's different, Kelly," I said.

"It's not that much different. Besides, he got help for his problems. I didn't...not yet anyway," he said.

"Then if he got the help he needed, why is he still a mess?" I asked.

"Because he doesn't have you, Mads," Kelly said, taking a bite of my sandwich. I sat there in silence for several minutes, running my hands over my face. Everyone seemed to be on Matthew's side. Maybe I was being a stubborn bitch after all, just like Em had said I was.

"You want half?" I finally asked him.

"No...you eat it. Besides, I'm meeting Em at Molly's later. I'll eat then. You're OK with all of that, aren't you?" he said.

"Emily Morrison is my best friend in the entire world, Kelly. Just be good to her, OK? She's had her share of shitty relationships and I don't want to see her hurt," I said.

"I won't hurt her...I promise. I've gotta run now, Mads. If I'm late, Em will hurt me," he said as he rose from the couch. I followed him to the door.

"Thanks for the food...and for explaining things to me," I said.

"You're welcome. So...are you gonna talk to Casey?" he asked.

"I don't know...maybe," I said.

"You think if circumstances had been different, you and I might have..." he said.

"Kelly...don't," I said, interrupting him. We both knew the answer to that. We weren't suited to each other for the long haul. That was evident from day one.

"Forget I asked...besides, I like being your friend," he said, grinning.

"And I like being yours," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. He squeezed me tightly and lifted me up off the ground, making me squeal.

"Hey...you feel lighter! Go eat...and that's an order," he said as he set me back down and kissed my forehead.

I saluted him, then watched him as he got into his Camaro and pulled away. I liked that Kelly and I could be friends without it feeling awkward. I sat back down on the couch, took a few more bites of sandwich and finished off the potato pancake. I poured myself another glass of wine, grabbed my cell phone and the chocolate chip cookie and walked upstairs. I curled up in bed and turned on the television for company. Within minutes, I could feel my eyelids getting heavy, so I slid down further into the bed, pulling the pillows from the other side and cradling them close to me. I pressed my face into the soft cotton and the scent of Matthew filled my head and as I had done every night for the last three weeks, I began to cry. I turned off the television and rolled over the other way. As I was drifting off to sleep, I heard my cell phone go off. I picked it up and saw that it was a text from Matthew.

"_I miss you..." _was all it said. I continued to cry softly as I answered him.

"_I miss you too..." _I texted back to him. It wasn't much, but it was a start and all I could manage at the moment. As I drifted off to sleep, I was still unsure of so many things, except for one...I loved Matthew Casey with every fiber of my being. I always had and I probably always would.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

"This is fabulous! What a turnout! What's our donation total so far?" said Walter, walking up to the information booth where I was sat with Karen and Em. He was decidedly pleased with himself and the crowds of people jamming into Millennium Park for the center's fundraiser.

"At last count, we were up to $9, 475 and change," said Karen.

"Splendid, splendid..my efforts have certainly paid off. Karen, come with me. We'll see you two ladies later," he said, as he walked away with his chest puffed out.

"His efforts? Did he fall and hit his fucking head? We did all the work. He just sat on his fat ass in the committee meetings and banged the goddamn gavel," said Em.

"You need a vacation, Morrison. You're getting cranky," I said, pushing my shoulder into hers.

"If my bitch of a boss would ever approve one, that is," she said.

"You want Jabba back?" I asked her.

"I love my bitch of a boss. Did I mention that?" she said, smirking.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, as my eyes scanned the people passing by the booth.

"Kelly is supposed to be here. It's his weekend off," said Em.

"Uh huh," I said, oblivious to what she was really saying.

"I think Matthew might be coming with him," she said. I whipped my head around, nearly breaking my neck.

"What...did the three of you cook this up behind my back?" I said. It had been a week since we exchanged texts and a month since I had seen him.

"He wants to see you, Madster," she said.

"I don't want to see him. Not yet," I said, not really believing what was coming out of my mouth. I missed him to the point of not feeling whole, but I wasn't ready to face him yet. I was afraid of what we might say to each other. If he still had feelings for Hallie, I preferred to stay blissfully ignorant.

"You need to see him, Mads...you know you do," she said softly. She was right. I did need to see him. I just didn't know if I could handle it yet. My heart started to pound out of my chest and the palms of my hands were getting sweaty at the thought of it. This was ridiculous, but I could do nothing to stop it.

"Mads?" I heard Em say before I got up from my chair and went around behind the tent. I dropped down on my knees in the grass, suddenly feeling dizzy and nauseous. Em came around and stood in front of me.

"Jesus, Mads...are you alright?" she asked, just before I vomited on her sneakers. She stood there, looking at the dull brown liquid dripping from her feet for a few seconds.

"NOW we're even," she said, as she squatted down next to me on the grass and handing me her bottle of water.

"I'm sorry, Em," I said, my voice shaking slightly.

"You can't go on like this, Mads," she said. Once again, she was right.

"You've been taking very good care of me lately. I appreciate that," I said.

"You need looking after right now. You've done it many times for me. I'm just paying it forward," she said.

"Being with Kelly these last few weeks has really centered you, Em...I like you like this," I said.

"Being without Matthew for the last few weeks has really fucked you up, Mads. I don't like you like this," she said.

"Point taken," I said.

"Hey, Bruiser! You back there?" I heard Kelly Severide's voice yell from the front of the booth.

"Bruiser?" I mouthed to Em. She was grinning like the Cheshire cat as she walked back out to the front of the booth.

"Is she here?" I heard Matthew's voice say. Jesus, he did come after all. I looked at Em and put my finger to the my lips, making the "shhhhh" sound. She nodded before going round front. I couldn't let him see me like this. _Please Em, come through for me_, I thought as I got up off the ground.

"Yeah, she is...but I don't know where at the moment," she answered. _Good girl,_ I thought as I snuck my hand under the backside of the tent and grabbed my bag, then quickly ran towards the restroom. I splashed water on my face and quietly thanked my mother who always told me to carry toothpaste and a portable toothbrush with me., I brushed my hair and touched up my make-up and took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves before going back out to face the inevitable. As I exited the ladies room, I was met by Karen Hillman holding a clipboard and looking very desperate.

"Madeleine, thank God! I need someone to fill in at the kissing booth for an hour! Ann Marie had to leave unexpectedly. She wasn't making that much donation money, but she was all I had!" she said breathlessly. Ann Marie was a registered nurse that worked in Pediatrics. She was in her mid-50's, wore a crucifix around her neck and carried rosary beads and a pocket-sized book of scriptures in her smock top. She had jet black hair and glasses and was under the impression that she was much more attractive than she actually was. She was divorced from her second husband and had the unflattering reputation as the Lakeshore cougar.

"Oooo...Karen, I'm really not in any frame of mind to be giving kisses to strange men," I said, popping a breath mint.

"You don't have to kiss strange men...that's the beauty of it. Addison wanted a kissing booth, so I gave him one...except I changed it so only kids could buy kisses or hugs, not adults. They each get a stuffed animal for their donation," she said, grinning like an idiot.

"That's brilliant! Count me in then," I said.

She handed me the collection box and pointed me in the direction of the booth. When I arrived, there was already a line of small children waiting with their parents and holding their money in their hands. One by one, they shuffled in and handed me their donations, most of them giving me dollar bills. An occasional five or ten dollar bill was handed over, but they were few and far between. I wrote their names down on the clipboard and the amount they each donated. Each donor would have a plaque dedicated in their name at the new family center. I actually felt good about doing this and seeing their little faces light up when I handed them a stuffed animal made it all the more rewarding. I hated to see my hour come to an end. As I was finishing filling in the information on the clipboard from the last child, someone slid a crisp new $100 bill on top of it.

"I think I'm next," I heard a familiar voice say. I took the money in my hand and looked up straight into Matthew's eyes. I hadn't seen him in so long that my heart nearly stopped. He looked tired and his cheeks were covered in stubble, but he also looked incredibly beautiful. Damn him. He had a slightly unsettled look on his face.

"Matthew...I...this is for...you can't," I managed to babble out before he positioned himself in front of me.

"Maddy...please..." he said in a desperate whisper as he moved in closer to me. I could smell the scent of his cologne on his skin as he lightly brushed his mouth across mine. My knees started to shake at the feel of his moist lips touching mine for the first time in a month. I was completely defenseless as I felt his hands slide around my waist and pull me towards him.

He parted his lips, pressing his mouth firmly on mine and gently sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. As the urgency of his kiss increased, I could feel my body begin to betray my head. I had missed him too long now to care. His hands moved from my waist up to my neck and held me firmly there as he kissed me slowly and deeply. My entire body ached for him as he devoured my mouth with his. I clung to him and made involuntary mewling sounds as his fingers lightly dug at the base of neck underneath my hair. I could feel warm tears begin to roll down my cheeks as he continued to kiss me relentlessly. The fundraiser, the crowd and the entire world around us disappeared as we held onto to each other until I suddenly pulled my mouth away from his. I felt as though I was losing control and needed to put some distance between him and me until my brain could think logically again.

"Tell me that we're not over, Maddy...please," he said, staring intently at me as I slowly backed away from him, wiping my mouth and my tears.

"I can't tell you that...not yet," I croaked as I gathered my things and ran out of the booth and into the crowd, hoping to disappear. I could hear him calling my name as I ran away from the booth as quickly as my wedge sandals would carry me across the grass and towards the parking lot. I fumbled in my bag for my car keys at the same time I kept watching out for Matthew. I unlocked the car, slid behind the wheel and squealed my tires as I pulled out of my parking space and onto the road. I had no idea where I was going as I drove through downtown Chicago. No matter where I ended up, I had a feeling that Matthew would be following me.

I barely remembered how I got there as I pulled into my driveway. As I got out of my car, I could hear the sound of squealing tires pulling onto my street. I ran up the steps and unlocked the front door just as Matthew pulled up in front of my house. He bolted out of his truck and up the steps two at a time until he was standing in front of me in the entry hall.

"Maddy...talk to me, for Christ's sake! I know you love me, goddammit...you can't kiss me like that and not love me," he said, nearly out of breath.

"I do love you. I never said I didn't," I shouted back at him.

"Then why did you run away from me like that?" he said, still breathing heavily.

"Because what happened between us can't be erased by one kiss, Matthew. There are things I need to know...things I need to say," I shouted, wiping the tears away in frustration.

"Then why the hell didn't you return my phone calls? You said you missed me just a week ago," he yelled.

"You blindsided me, Matthew! I did miss you, but I wasn't ready to talk to you," I said, wiping tears away.

"Then are you ready to talk to me now? We can't go on like this, Maddy...at least I can't," he said.

"You've hardly given me a choice, chasing me around Chicago," I said defiantly.

"You gave me no choice but to chase you, so go on, then...here I am...I'm standing right in front of you, Maddy...no interruptions, no distractions, no more secrets ...just me and you," he shouted back at me, throwing his hands up in desperation. I paused for several minutes, trying to regain my composure before I spoke.

"I need to know if you still have feelings for Hallie. If you do, turn around and leave right now Matthew, because I won't let this go any further...I can't. I deserve to know," I said, choking on my own sobs. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at the floor for a few seconds. He took a few deep breaths, then walked straight at me and grabbed me by my shoulders.

"I told you once that Hallie filled the void that you left and I didn't lie about that. I went through the motions of a relationship with her, even proposing to her...but resenting her the entire time because she wasn't you. When she was killed, I felt tremendous guilt...blaming myself because maybe I didn't love her enough to protect her. I've worked hard over the last month and I've learned to forgive myself...and the one reason I could do that was because of you and what you've brought back to my life. I love YOU, Maddy...only you. I've only ever loved you," he said, suddenly breaking down.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned in close to his face. His mouth was on mine instantly and in one swift movement, he lifted me up by my waist and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He backed me up against the wall in the entry, roughly reaching up my skirt. His fingers hooked the crotch of my panties and pulled them to one side. His fingertips fondled my clitoris, his mouth never leaving mine.

"It's been so long, Maddy...please," he whispered into my mouth as he let me down gently. I could only watch as he raised my skirt and pulled my panties off. I was powerless to speak. I was trembling, but managed to unbuckle his belt and pop the buttons on his jeans. I pushed them down off his hips, revealing his erection. He moaned into my mouth as I slowly stroked the length of him. His hands fumbled under my shirt, lifting my bra up and grabbing at my breasts before he lifted me up again. His body pressed into mine, holding me tight against the wall and I gasped as he rammed himself inside me and began to thrust. His eyes locked on mine and his face was dripping with sweat as he drove himself into me. I dug my nails into his shoulders and screamed as my orgasm engulfed me. I clenched and spasmed around him over and over until I felt all the muscles in his body go tense. He let out a guttural moan as he came, filling me up as spilled himself inside me. We clung to each other for several minutes, both breathing heavily and both overcome with emotion. Tears ran down both of our faces as he set me back down on the floor and covered my mouth with soft wet kisses.

Without speaking, he picked me up and carried me up the stairs to the bedroom. We quietly undressed and crawled into bed, wrapping ourselves up in each other's arms. It felt so good to have him hold me again after so long without him. Somehow, this last month seemed longer than the sixteen years we had been apart before...but unlike sixteen years ago, I knew now that I would never let him go or shut him out ever again.

"I love you, Maddy," I heard him say in a voice thick with fatigue.

I love you too, Matthew," I replied. I felt his arm squeeze me gently as I laid my head in the crook of his arm and gently fingered his chest hair. I drifted off to sleep with the rhythm of his breathing and the scent of his skin comforting me. For the first time in weeks, I felt at peace.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

"Where are you guys going tomorrow?" asked Em as she munched on some peanuts.

"I have no idea. He won't tell me," I said, giving a sideways glance at Matthew.

"It's a surprise. I'm allowed to surprise you, aren't I?" Matthew said, smiling. It had been almost a month since Matt and I had reconciled and he had planned a long weekend away, for us, but he wouldn't tell me any details on where we were going.

"I hate surprises," said Kelly, as he sipped his beer. Em put her hand on his leg and squeezed it under the table. He turned to her and kissed her forehead. Kelly had been waiting for the results of a paternity test and was edgy and detached. Em had been very supportive to him, despite the fact that the results could possibly throw their relationship a serious curveball. They were good for each other in a much better way than Kelly and I had ever been. I was thankful to have both of them in my life as friends.

"You're OK with being in charge tomorrow, Em?" I asked. Matthew and I were leaving early in the morning and I hadn't taken a vacation day since I started at Lakeshore, so I was overdue. Since I had become Director, Em had really stepped up her social work game. I wasn't sure if it was because I was her boss and she didn't want to let me down or if it was because of Kelly being in her life. She was happier now than I had ever seen her and that's really all that mattered to me.

"Yeah, I'm good. I can handle it. I'll do you proud, Mads," she said, smiling at me then looking adoringly at Kelly.

"You can handle just about anything, Bruiser," said Kelly as he kissed her on the mouth.

"So can you, Severide," said Matthew. It was so nice to have the two of them on the same side for a change. Kelly had helped Matthew when he needed it and now he was supporting Kelly, much like Em and I had always done.

"Thanks, Casey," said Kelly, nodding. They still called each other by their last names. I suppose that was a macho kind of thing.

We laughed and chatted while the four of us ate our dinner together. Despite everything that had passed between us in the previous months, we were all at ease and enjoying each other's company.

"Everything cool over here, guys?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned to see Gabby Dawson standing behind Matthew. She put her hands on his shoulders and was massaging him lightly, which I wasn't entirely sure I liked. I quickly brushed it off as them being co-workers because I couldn't afford to think anything else and stay sane.

"Delicious as always, Gabby...but not as good as your Arroz con Pollo Picante. You should convince Otis and Herrmann to let you put that on the menu," said Matthew.

"Oh God...yeah, that was a fun night," she replied, laughing and covering her face like she was embarrassed by the memory. I could feel my own face go red, but kept my cool. I had no idea what night she was referring to and I had no right to assume the worst. "_They're co-workers, Madeleine," _I heard my inner voice screaming at me.

"I'm going in the back to make four strawberry shortcakes for you, on the house," she said, rubbing Matthew's back before walking away.

"That's nice...it'll give her something else to do with her hands," I suddenly blurted out as Gabby walked away. Em spit out her fries and erupted in fits of laughter and Matthew jerked his head to look at me. His face expressed a combination of amusement and disbelief.

"Maddy..." he said, his voice expressing slight disapproval.

"What?" I said, looking at him as innocently as I possibly could.

"She's says what she thinks, Casey...but you already knew that," said Kelly, grinning. I was grinning slightly myself, pleased with my snarky little comment.

"Mmmmmm...I sure do," said Matthew, before leaning in to plant a kiss on my mouth. After eating our dessert and paying the bill, all of us stood on the sidewalk in front of Molly's for a few minutes.

"Everything will be OK, Kelly...have faith," I said.

"Thanks, Mads...I'm trying," he said, giving me a hug.

"Well, that's a lot different than the last time you two stood out here," said Em. I shot an angry look at her.

"Come on, Bruiser...I'm taking you home and having my way with you," said Kelly to Em, wrapping his arm around her neck and pulling her towards his car.

"What does she mean by that?" asked Matthew as we got into my car.

"It's nothing," I said. We drove home in complete silence, but I could sense that Matthew wanted to say something the whole time. When he tossed my keys on the entry hall table, places his hands on his hips and huffed, I knew he was about to erupt.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" he asked, looking serious.

"I might ask you the same question," I said, sounding equally as frustrated.

"Don't turn this around, Maddy. What the hell happened between you and Severide that I'm not aware of?" he asked. His eyes were practically on fire with anger. I knew I should have told him everything, but things between us had been so good for the last several weeks that I had been hesitant to bring it all up again.

"Fine. You want to know, so here it is. That night that Em and I went to Molly's for our girls night out, Kelly showed up. He was drunk off his ass and said some things to me that he shouldn't have said. That's all," I said.

"What did he say?" asked Matthew.

"It's not important," I said, trying to get him to drop the subject.

"Goddammit, Maddy...tell me!" he said, suddenly raising his voice.

"He wanted to know if you fucked me as good as he did...there, are you happy now?" I screamed at him.

"Jesus, that's why you were so quiet that night. Why the hell didn't you tell me?" he asked, shouting back at me.

"Because he was drunk, Matthew...and because I didn't need you to go off on him on top of everything else. That would have served no one but yourself. Besides, after what he's been through in the last few weeks, his behavior is understandable now," I said.

"So let's just forgive the great Kelly Severide because he was stupid enough not to wear a condom," he said. He was angry, but so was I and there was no way I was going to let him get the upper hand.

"That was uncalled for, Matthew. All of us make mistakes," I said. He was really pissing me off now.

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?" he asked.

"Only that as my first week as Director, he sent me gifts almost every day...flowers, balloons, candy...that sort of thing. I put a stop to it. End of story," I said.

"You sure about that?" he asked.

"What are you asking me?" I said, feeling my own anger rise. He didn't answer me. He didn't have to.

"No Matthew...I didn't throw him a pity fuck, if that's what you're thinking. Jesus, what kind of a woman do you think I am?" I yelled. He stood there silent, the look on his face relaxing a little.

"I'm sorry, Maddy...I just..." he said before I interrupted him.

"Sorry, my ass...what about that little display of Dawson's tonight? I think maybe there's more there than you're telling me, so don't act so goddamn righteous, Matthew," I said, spitting out my words like venom. He approached me slowly until he was standing in front of me. His eyes were turned down towards the floor, which was never a good sign.

"Look...when Hallie died, I was a complete mess...you know that. Dawson was the first person who was there for me, Maddy. She helped me. She would make me dinner and clean my house...stuff like that," he said quietly. I could tell by his tone that there was something else.

"And...?" I said, not really wanting to know if there was more to it.

"We slept together...once...months ago, long before you and me...that's all," he said.

"Christ, Matthew...that's enough," I said, sitting on my dining room table and rubbing my face. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

"It was a mistake, Maddy...we both agreed on that. We're just friends...nothing more," he said.

"By the way she was touching you tonight, I'd say she thinks differently,"I said.

"There is nothing going on between me and Gabby Dawson, Maddy. Nothing," he said, taking me by the shoulders. I was numb. It was almost like when Stephen admitted his indiscretions to me, but with more shock and pain.

"If you say so...but are there any more bombshells you'd like to drop on me tonight?" I said after several minutes.

"No. You?" he asked.

"You know all there is to know, Matthew," I said. I got up from the dining room table and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Matthew followed me.

"I'm going out to finish packing the truck for our trip. Is there anything you need brought out?" he asked.

"Not until tomorrow morning," I said without looking up from my cup of tea. I heard him close the back door as I walked back into the living room. Oh yeah, this was going be a great weekend together. I picked up my phone to call my father. I wanted to touch base with him before we left tomorrow morning.

"Hey Daddy," I said when he answered. His voice sounded raspy.

"Hi baby girl! What's up?" he said.

"Just checking in on my favorite guy before Matt and I go away tomorrow," I said.

"I'm fine, baby girl. Bit of a sore throat, but it's nothing I can't handle," he said.

"I don't know where Matt and I are going yet, but I'll have my cell phone. You call me if you need me, OK?" I said. I hadn't left town without my father since I moved back to Chicago.

"OK, honey. Will do. You and Matt have a good time and I'll see you when you get back," he said.

"Love you, Daddy," I said.

"Love you too, baby girl," he said.

I looked at the clock as I headed upstairs. It was 9:00 PM but it felt much later. It had been unseasonably warm for Chicago in June and the bedroom was hot and muggy. I switched on the air conditioner and ran a cool bath. I hoped that I'd be in bed and asleep before Matthew came back inside. I was still processing everything and I suspected he would keep talking about it if given the chance. I don't think I could ever look at Dawson in the same way now. She clearly still had feelings for Matthew and he was fooling himself if thought otherwise. Men were so clueless sometimes.

After my bath, I climbed into bed and covered myself loosely with the sheet. The room was cooling off, but it was still fairly warm and sticky. I turned off the light and hoped I would fall asleep quickly. Almost immediately, I could hear Matthew's footsteps coming up the stairs towards the bedroom. He quietly opened the door and went into the bathroom. After a few minutes, he came out of the bathroom and climbed into bed next to me.

"Maddy?" he said softly. Shit. I really didn't feel like talking, but I rolled over to look at him anyway.

"I'm sorry, baby...I really am. I should have told you sooner," he said, stroking my hair lightly.

"Me too," was all I managed to say. He moved his body in closer to mine, put his hand on my neck and pulled me into a deep kiss. My body tensed as an image of him and Dawson popped into my head and I abruptly pulled my mouth away from his and rolled back over. Soft tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to push the images from my head. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't help myself. I had been struggling to live with the memory of his dead fiance and now I was faced with another woman from his past...and one that he sees everyday.

"I love you," he whispered as he snuggled up against my back and wrapped his arm around me.

If I opened my mouth to speak, he would realize I was crying so I didn't respond. I couldn't. It broke my heart not to say it back to him, but he already knew that I loved him and I hoped that he would understand my silence now. I drifted off to sleep praying that the next few days ahead of us would help erase the last few hours.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

"I can't believe you did this," I said, as I sat in front of the campfire, toasting marshmallows. We were in Channahon State Park, on the same campsite as our senior camping trip, where Matthew and I first met. The sun was setting on the first day of our long weekend and we were both tired from setting up camp.

"Were you surprised?" Matthew asked as he tossed a log on the fire, then squatted down beside me. By the look on his face, the question he was really asking was "_Am I forgiven?"_. I felt like an idiot for having acted so childishly when he told me about him and Dawson. If Matthew could manage to work with Kelly everyday and not freak out at the idea that we had slept together for three months, then I could do the same for him and a one night stand.

"Completely," I said, touching his face with my hand. I brushed my thumb over the small scar under his left eye.

"Do you remember how I got that?" he asked with a grin. Our class had gone on a hike that weekend in the park and he was being silly by walking backwards and flexing his arm muscles at me. When he turned around again, he walked straight into a tree.

"How could I forget that? That's what you get for trying to impress me," I said, giggling at the memory.

"It worked, didn't it?" he said. He was right. It had worked. I fell in love with him at that precise moment.

"Yeah...but only after I stopped laughing...and that took a while," I said. He smiled at me as he took the marshmallow off of my stick and sandwiched it on top of a piece of chocolate between two graham crackers. He took a bite and then offered it to me. Our first kiss had been on that senior camping trip while eating s'mores on this same campsite. Matthew moved in front of me and positioned himself between my legs.

"You've got a little chocolate...right there," he said, rubbing the corner of my mouth with his thumb. He licked the chocolate from his finger, then leaned in closer. His face was just a few inches from mine. He opened his mouth slightly, almost as if he wanted to say something but I spoke first.

"I'm sorry for overreacting about you and Dawson. If you say there's nothing going on, of course I believe you. I still have trouble trusting people sometimes. I blame Stephen for that. I have to keep reminding myself that you carried on with your life too for the sixteen years we were apart," I said.

"Just barely," he said quietly. He softly cupped my face with his hands and gently placed his mouth on mine. His lips felt soft and wet and his tongue flicked lightly into my mouth. He deepened the kiss with each passing second, clutching at my face and neck as he probed deeper into my mouth with his tongue and pressed his lips against mine. My hands held onto his sides as he moved in closer, nearly knocking my chair over.

"Fuck it...I'm doing this now. I'm not waiting any longer," he said as he pulled away from my mouth. The look on his face became pensive. He stood up in front of me and held out his hands. I put my hands in his and he gently pulled me up to a standing position.

"Seventeen years ago, I met the love of my life, right here in this same place. We had the most amazing year together...then we were torn apart by circumstances that were out of our control. I eventually resigned myself into thinking we'd never see each other again. Then a couple of months ago, she came back into my life and I never intend to let her go again," he said, his voice low and serious.

His blue-green eyes were lit by the fire that crackled beside us as he looked directly into mine. He slowly sank down onto one knee and pulled a small black velvet box from his jeans pocket. He opened it and held it up to me and I could see in the firelight that it was a princess cut two carat diamond ring in a halo setting. I let out an audible gasp and put my hand over my mouth. My heart began to race and I could feel my knees begin to shake.

"Madeleine Elizabeth Coventry...I have waited most of my life for this moment. Will you finally do me the honor of marrying me?" he asked, his eyes now brimming with tears. I could feel my own tears spill over my cheeks and I was unable to speak for what seemed like several minutes.

"Yes...oh God, yes," I finally managed to squeak out before I broke into the happiest sobs of my life. Matthew stood up and reached for my left hand and slid the ring onto my finger. He then pulled me in close and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"For a minute there, I thought you were going to say no," he said, slipping his hands around my waist.

"Never," I said, pressing my mouth on his. Matthew lifted me up off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into our tent. He set me down just long enough for us to pull off each other's clothes, then he lifted me up again and laid me down on the bed we had set up that morning.

"I promise our honeymoon will be have better accommodations," he said, stroking my face.

"I'd be happy with you in a cave in the middle of winter," I said, staring up at his beautiful blue-green eyes.

"Liar...I know how much you hate cold and snow," he said smiling at me.

"Shut up and kiss me," I said, pulling his face down to mine by his neck. I parted my legs as he crawled on top of me and hooked them around his as we devoured each other's mouths again. He slowly worked his way down my body, kissing and licking my neck and moving down to my breasts. He gently bit at each nipple in turn, sucking them into his mouth. I arched my back off the air mattress as his mouth traveled further down to my tummy and landed between my legs. He placed his hands on my thighs and pushed them further apart as he lowered his head. I jumped as his tongue flicked at my clitoris and up and down the surrounding flesh. He licked at me voraciously while his fingers probed in and out of my wet place. My body begged for release as he continued to tantalize every nerve ending until I exploded in a powerful orgasm, bucking up violently against his face. It took several minutes for me to catch my breath.

"Oh God, baby...I'm sorry...I couldn't help it," I said, feeling totally helpless.

"Shhhhh...don't be," he said as he rolled over, taking me with him. I was now straddling his body and could feel his erection underneath me. I leaned down and kissed his mouth, tasting the remnants of me on his lips. I slid down his body, giving his nipples the same attention that he had given mine. He moaned softly as I nipped and licked each one. I worked my way down his stomach, licking at the soft hair and reaching his erect penis. I grabbed the base of it firmly in my hand and gently squeezed his testicles. He let out a groan and writhed under my touch and I could feel him growing harder as I stroked him up and down for several minutes. I teased the head of his penis with my tongue, taking the glistening drop from from the tip with me.

"You taste so sweet," I said seductively, before plunging his full length in my mouth. He let out a guttural sound as I moved my head up and down slowly, savoring the taste of him in my mouth. His fingers clutched at my hair as I sucked him hard and slow. I could feel his body tense and I slowly pulled off of him for a moment.

"What do you want, Lieutenant Casey?" I asked, licking my lips and gripping his manhood tightly in my hands.

"Ride me," he said, his voice thick with passion.

I straddled him again and placed the head of his penis between my legs. I watched his face as I took every inch of him at a painfully slow pace inside me. He gripped my hips as I raised and lowered myself on him faster with each move. I could feel another orgasm approaching quickly as my nipples stiffened in the cool night air. I shuddered and spasmed around his throbbing penis and within seconds, Matthew groaned loudly as he came hard inside me. I rolled off of the top of him and laid down next to him, resting my arm across his chest. I could feel his labored breathing as I playfully ran my fingers over his chest hair. Matthew took my hand in his and kissed my fingers. He held my hand up and my ring sparkled in the faint light of the lantern.

"It looks so perfect on my hand," I said, admiring my engagement ring.

"It does...and you look perfect on me," he replied as he turned towards me and softly kissed my lips. I pressed my face into his neck, feeling very vulnerable and emotional.

"You're crying?" he said sounding slightly worried as he lifted my face up to his and saw that it was covered in tears.

"It's just that I've realized that sex is so much more meaningful with someone you love. I'm a little overwhelmed," I said, choking back sobs.

"Oh Maddy baby...I feel the same way. I told you before that it's never been like this with anyone else and I meant that," he said as he gathered me up in his arms. We held onto each other for a few minutes until I stopped crying.

"OK now?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah...except I'm embarrassed that I sounded like an ABC Afterschool Special," I said.

"You have an amazing way of phrasing things," he said, covering my face with kisses.

"So do you...my recent favorite being 'will you marry me'," I said, grinning.

"We're officially engaged now. There's no turning back," he said.

"I don't want to turn back. I want to tell the world," I said as I jumped out of bed and searched for my phone in my bag. I picked up Matthew's t-shirt from the tent floor and slipped it on over my head before sitting back down on the bed.

"Calling Em, I suppose," he said.

"No...my Dad. He should be the first to know. He'll be beside himself," I said. I looked at my phone and frowned. No service. I held it up for Matthew to see, then shut it off to save battery power.

"We'll be going back into civilization for the day tomorrow. You can tell the world then," he said as he pulled me back down next to him. We snuggled together under the covers, arms and legs entwined together and nose to nose.

"I love you, Matthew. I have never been this happy," I said, fighting the urge to cry again.

"I love you too, Maddy...and now we have the rest of our lives to be happy together," he said.

He kissed me softly then reached for the lantern and turned the flame down until it went out. He turned back to me and wrapped his arms around me. As I drifted off to sleep in the arms of the man I had loved forever, I felt a sense of calm and contentment that I hadn't had in sixteen years. Matthew Casey was here with me and I would never have to live one day without him again. The sparkle of my engagement ring in the moonlight peering through the screen at the top of the tent seemed to affirm that.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

"That wasn't funny!" Matthew yelled as he flailed his arms and made loud splashing sounds in the water. I stood on the dock, nearly doubled over in fits of laughter and unable to speak. I finally managed to control my giggling enough to sit down and dangle my feet in the lake. It was ice cold.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry! I would have never pushed you in if I knew it was this cold," I said, still sniggering as he waded over to me.

"The hell you wouldn't! My testicles may never come back down!" he said with a smirk as he played with my toes underneath the water.

"Pity...I had plans for them later," I said, smirking back at him and kicking water up over his head.

"That's it, Coventry!" he said as he pulled on my legs and yanked me into the water with him. My shrieks echoed throughout the campground as my skin hit the freezing water.

"You're dead, Casey," I said as he pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me.

"After being in this ice bath, I'm pretty sure everything is dead from the neck down anyway," he said.

"Then the wedding is off," I said, grinning.

"Oh no you don't..I'm not letting you off that easy. Besides, with a little help, they can be resuscitated," he said before kissing me. His mouth was warm compared to the rest of him and I kissed him back eagerly. His face sported a two-day beard growth and it brushed against my cheeks and lips as we kissed. I liked him like this...a little rough around the edges. He was always so level headed and collected and this was a nice contrast. It was also the most relaxed I had seen him. The tense and tired look on his face had disappeared completely. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so happy. This three day break was just what both of us needed.

"I need a hot shower. My nipples could cut glass at the moment," I said as he held me and slowly turned me around in the water.

"You have such a lyrical way of putting things," he said, laughing at me.

"Being friends with Em for the last year and a half has had irreversible effects on me," I said.

"You love her a lot, don't you?" Matthew asked, suddenly turning serious.

"She's like the sister I never had...and she's given you her stamp of approval, so that's a bonus," I said. We both climbed out of the water and onto the shore. We wrapped ourselves in towels and continued to talk as we walked hand in hand back to our campsite.

"I like her too, Maddy. She's been good for you...I can tell," he said.

"I was just going through the motions before I met her... she taught me to have fun again...not to take things so seriously all the time. I would have been lost at Lakeshore without her," I said as we walked into our tent and peeled off our cold, wet bathing suits.

"Let me guess...Maid of Honor?" he asked, as he touched my shoulder and turned me around to face him.

"Without a doubt," I said. He pulled me in close and kissed me again, pressing his body to mine. His skin felt cool and wet under my hands and the muscles in his back flexed as he shifted his legs.

"I love you, Maddy," he said, practically whispering.

"You think you'll ever get tired of saying that to me?" I said, with a slight grin on my face.

"I've said it so many times to you in my head over the years that it feels good to finally say it out loud...so no," he said.

"Good, because I never get tired of hearing it. 'Love' is not a strong enough word for what I feel for you, Matthew. I passed 'love' a long time ago," I said, sounding like a Harlequin Romance and looking straight into his eyes.

"Let's get married tonight. I don't want to wait," he said, stroking my face with his fingertips. By the look on his face, I couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious.

"That's very tempting, Lieutenant...but my father would disown me. He still hasn't forgiven me for not doing it 'the right way' the first time," I said, making quotation marks in the air with my fingers.

"You and Stephen didn't have a formal wedding?" he asked.

"God, no. It was a spur of the moment thing. Forty dollars for a marriage license and a Justice of the Peace officiation in Peekskill 24 hours later, followed by a weekend in Manhattan. Not exactly one of those grotesque, Kardashian-type spectacles," I said.

"Not even a wedding dress?" he asked.

"Jeans, a Doors t-shirt and New Balance running shoes, as I recall," I said, gathering up some things for before heading to the showers.

"You deserve so much more, Maddy," said Matthew, taking me in his arms.

"You've already given me more. I'm off to the shower. I'll meet you back here in half an hour," I said, kissing him softly before walking to the showers. I turned on my phone as I walked, hoping to get a signal, but had no luck. Not talking to my father was beginning to unnerve me a little. I hadn't been out of contact with him for one minute since he suffered his heart attack and I moved back to Illinois. I reminded myself to call him when we got into town later. The hot water felt so good after our frigid swim that I stood there longer than I realized until Matthew's text roused me out of my warm and cozy haze.

"_You'd better hurry up, Future Mrs. Matthew Casey or I'll leave without you..."_

Mrs. Matthew Casey. I liked the sound of that. I remember writing it over and over in the privacy of my bedroom when I was seventeen. I shut the shower off, toweled myself dry and texted him back.

"_Give me twenty minutes, my future husband...beauty takes time..."_

"_You're already beautiful, so get a move on!"_

"_Thank you for the compliment, Lt...but if you keep texting me, it's going to take me LONGER"_

I shut off my phone, dressed, dried my hair, did a quick make-up job and hustled back to the campsite.

"There's my girl," said Matthew, looking up from his phone as I walked into our tent. he was dressed in jeans and a dark blue t-shirt that hugged every muscle underneath. He was still unshaven, which pleased me.

"All cleaned up and ready to go, Lt. Impatient," I said.

"Mmmmmm...it was worth the wait...you clean up real nice," he said before he covered my mouth with his. The thought of being his wife thrilled me like nothing else ever could. After Stephen and I divorced, I never wanted to get married again, but Matthew was the man I should have married in the first place and now that we were officially engaged, it was very close to happening.

Suddenly, a black limousine appeared on the road in front of our campsite. I gave Matthew a surprised look as the chauffeur came around and opened the back door and signaled for us to get in.

"A limo?" I asked

He only smiled as he took my hand and led me into the backseat. I could barely see out of the tinted windows. We drove for about 20 minutes until I could feel the limo turn and slow down. Matthew got out to give our driver instructions, then offered his hand to help me out of the limo.

"Do you remember this place?" he asked, looking very proud of himself.

"Oh my God," was all I could manage to say. We were at the Chicago St. Pub in Joliet. We had had a drunken raucous night here with friends just before I went away to college. It was a bittersweet memory, but I was touched at his sentimentality.

"This time, I know you won't be leaving me a few weeks from now," he said.

"Never again, Casey. You're stuck with me for life this time," I said.

"That's my plan," he said as he took my hand and led me inside. The place was crowded with people and the sound of talking, laughing, clinking glasses and country music filled the air. Several people were singing on stage as dozens more danced on the floor in front of them. We found a small table near the dance floor and watched the group of line dancers as they shuffled around the floor in unison for several minutes until a waitress appeared with two menus.

"What can I get ya to drink, sugar?" she asked in an annoying southern bimbo drawl and looking directly at Matthew. She had bleached blonde hair, was wearing cut-off shorts, a midriff shirt, cowboy boots and a salacious smile that irked me. She handing him two menus.

"A Corona," he said, smiling at her politely. I watched her eyes flash as he answered her.

"You got it, sugar. For you?" she said, without so much as turning her head. Her eyes were still locked on Matthew.

"Captain Morgan and Coke," I said, adding under my breath _"and a different waitress" _as she turned to walk away.

"You're cute when you're jealous," he said, grinning. I felt my cheeks flush slightly.

"I can't help myself sometimes," I said. He lifted my left hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it just as the nymphette cowgirl came back with our drinks. Her face soured slightly when she saw my engagement ring and her demeanor changed almost instantly from cowgirl whore to mousy waitress. We ordered some food and another round of drinks. We watched with the people singing on stage with morbid interest. It was open mic night which meant that anyone could grab the spotlight if they had enough guts...and had consumed enough alcohol.

"You still sing, Maddy?" Matthew suddenly asked as he finished his second beer.

"Does drunken karaoke with Em count?" I said, sucking down my second rum and Coke. A smirk broke across Matthew's face as he drained the last of his Corona. Matthew ordered another round when the waitress brought our food to us.

"You were really good, as I recall," he said, before shoveling a bunch of cheese fries into his mouth. I had almost forgotten about my singing...mainly because I had nothing to sing about over the last eight years. I used to sing sometimes in a band our friends had put together in high school and Matthew had played piano and fiddle. We had some of the best times playing with that band and actually made some money at it.

"You were kick ass on the fiddle as I recall too, Casey" I said, hoping he wasn't thinking about asking me to sing tonight. He grinned and motioned with his thumb towards the stage.

"I will if you will," he said with a huge grin on his face.

"No way, Casey...don't even think about it," I said, licking cheese from my fingers. He leaned in close and kissed me and I could hear the strains of "Boot Scootin' Boogy" start to play.

"Come on...let's dance!" he said as he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor.

"Matthew...I haven't line danced since gym class!" I shouted over the sounds of music and stomping feet.

"You can do it!" said Matthew, stepping in time to the music with the rest of them. To my surprise, I remembered how to do it after a minute or two of watching and jumped in with the rest of them. I had enough rum in me in at this point not to care and ended up laughing as we slid back and forth across the floor. When it was over, Matthew picked me up and spun me around as the emcee called for the next open mic session.

"That was fun!" I said, feeling pleasantly dizzy as he set me back down. Matthew held my face and kissed me hard on the mouth.

"Now...sing, baby...for me...please," he said.

"Matthew...I can't...I haven't ...," I stammered. Without warning, he picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder and set me down on the stage. I stood there, dumbstruck and blinded in the bright spotlight. I could see Matthew at the front of the stage. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"What's your name and what are ya gonna sing, little lady?" the emcee asked me. My head was spinning and my knees were shaking, but I had just enough alcohol in me to go for it. I had to think quickly about the song choice.

"This here's Maddy Coventry and she's going to be singing 'Love Gets Me Everytime' by Shania Twain...and her boyfriend Matt is gonna play the fiddle!" the emcee shouted in the microphone. Matthew's eyes widened with surprise for a minute, then he jumped on stage with me.

"I will if you will...remember?" I said with a smirk. That song was popular the year we graduated high school and it had an amazing fiddle rift. If he was going to put me on the spot, then he was going there with me. Matthew took the fiddle and pulled the bow across the strings a couple of times, then nodded that he was ready. The next four minutes were a blur, mainly because I was nervous and well on my way to being drunk. I could hear the sound of my voice and Matthew playing, but had no idea of how it really sounded until people started clapping and hollering.

"Let's hear it for Maddy Coventry and her boyfriend, Matthew!" the emcee shouted over the crowd. Just then, Matthew grabbed the mic from him.

"Correction...fiance...I've asked her to marry me!" Matthew shouted. If I wasn't so drunk, I would have died from embarrassment. The emcee shouted something, but I was too busy watching Matthew to notice anything else. Maybe it was the rum or the rush of singing in front of a crowd, but I had never been more in love with him than I had at this moment. He was uninhibited, at ease and quite drunk. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen and he was mine...officially mine.

"Come here, you..." Matthew said as he stepped down from the stage and held his hand out to me. I put my hand in his and he immediately pulled me in tight , wrapping his hands around my waist. I could hear the strains of Anne Murray's "Could I Have This Dance" playing over the sound system. Cheesy, but lovely too. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to his neck. He kissed my ear as we moved slowly to the music. I could feel warm tears rolling down my face as I clung to him. I had never loved anyone in my entire life except for Matthew Casey.

"I can feel you crying..." he whispered softly.

"Happy tears," I whispered back.

"This is only the beginning, Maddy," he said as he lifted my chin and kissed me tenderly.

As we moved slowly around the dance floor, my world consisted of only Matthew and the feel of his arms around me, the feel of his lips on my skin, the feel of his breath on my neck, the scent of him filling my head and the feel of my engagement ring on my finger.

Back inside our tent, we quietly undressed and crawled into bed. Matthew pressed his naked body close to mine and I held onto him tighter than I ever had before., not wanting this euphoria to end. As I drifted off into a drunken sleep, I realized that I had forgotten to call my father, but I was sure he would forgive me once he knew why. To him, my happiness had always come first...and this was the happiest I had ever been. I was engaged to the man I had loved for my entire life. This was my world and it was finally complete.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

I woke to the sounds of chirping birds and light rain falling outside. It was warm and muggy inside the tent and the light had not begun to break yet on the this last day of our weekend getaway. I looked over at the beautiful man lying next to me and lightly ran my hand over his chest. These three days with him had been the best I had ever had and I could barely contain myself at the thought of spending every day for the rest of my life with him. My heart sank at the thought of going back to reality later today, but I was looking forward to sharing the news of our engagement with Em and Dad. I wanted to shout it from the roof of the Sears Tower so everyone in Chicago would know that I was finally going to marry the man I loved. A sadistic little part of me wanted to contact Stephen and tell him the news, too...the bastard.

"Hey you...what are you thinking about so early?" I heard Matthew say. Just the sound of his voice was enough to make me smile.

"You..," I said. He slowly rolled over to face me and pulled me in close to him, covering my mouth with his. Despite the slight throb in the corner of my eye from too much rum the night before, my body came alive as he touched me.

"I can't imagine ever waking up without you next to me again," he said, pressing his forehead to mine. I wanted him to hold me so closely that our flesh blended together, so we would forever be embedded in each other. I wasn't whole without him. I had been an empty shell since we lost each other all those years ago. My eyes had hungered for the sight of his face and my body had ached for the feel of him every day for sixteen years. Looking at him now was almost painful. He fed my soul and filled my heart and all I wanted...all I needed...was him...and now, after an agonizing wait, he was finally mine. I said nothing as I laid on top of him and kissed him slowly.

"Well, good morning to you, too," he said with a sly grin on his face.

"Mmmmmmm...," was all I could manage to say before kissing him again. He ran his hands up and down my back as he leaned upwards into the kiss, his tongue sweeping my mouth. I could feel his body respond underneath me and without warning, he quickly rolled me over onto my back and positioned himself on top of me. His hands pinned my wrists down on the bed above my head as he hungrily attacked my mouth, my neck and my breasts.

"Tell me what you want, Ms. Coventry," he said, his voice thick with desire as he reached down between my legs and ran two fingers up and down the flesh of my sweet spot.

"You...all of you," I said. With that, he rose from the bed and extended his hand to me. I was slightly confused but put my hand in his as he led me out ot the tent. We were standing naked in the warm rain, cloaked in the semi-darkness of the pre-dawn hour. He stopped and turned to me, holding me tightly as he kissed my mouth...so passionately tender that it took my breath away. He lifted me up and gently set me down on the edge of the picnic table, our mouths still locked together. I wrapped my legs around him as he stood between them, our mouths still relentlessly bruising each other until he suddenly pulled away. He grasped his erect cock and rubbed the tip of it between my legs. I instinctively leaned back on the table and arched my back. He quickly lifted my legs over his shoulders and thrust deep into me, making me grasp the table for balance. He moved in and out of me with ease, watching my face with each movement he made. The warm rain ran over our bodies, heightening my senses to the point of not knowing where my flesh ended and his began. My orgasm enveloped every inch of my body, radiating from between my legs down to my toes, up to my breasts and out to my wrists. I cried out as I came, thrashing my hips against him as he continued to ram his body into mine. Birds in nearby trees scattered to the sky, startled by the sounds that were coming from my mouth. Matthew's body tightened just before he grunted loudly and called my name as he ejaculated. I could feel his hot wet essence shoot deep within me as his upper body shuddered under my legs.

"Oh God...Maddy," he said breathlessly as the last of his orgasm faded. He pulled me up into his arms, kissing my lips once again. His breathing was ragged and I could not stop trembling as the tears began to fall. Matthew kissed my tears and the raindrops that had fallen on my cheeks. I wept silently in his arms for several minutes, both of us oblivious to the storm that was now raging overhead. I felt raw and alive and more in love than I ever thought possible. He gently lifted me up and carried me back inside our tent as the thunder rolled and the lightning lit up the skies. We dried ourselves off and climbed back into our bed to spend the last few hours of our magical weekend in each others arms.

As we packed the last of our supplies into Matthew's truck, I took a last look around our campsite. The sun had come out and I hated to leave to go back to the real world. I walked to the edge of the woods that bordered our site and tried to burn the image of its deep green colors and the scent of its earthy fragrance in my head. I wanted to take a piece of this place back to Chicago with me, just as I had done seventeen years earlier. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, savoring the sensation of it all.

"Don't be sad, baby...our weekend isn't over yet," Matthew said as he slipped his arms around my waist and kissed my ear.

"It's been so perfect...I don't want it to end," I said, keeping my eyes closed and reveling in the scent of the air, the sound of the birds and the feel of his arms around me. He slowly turned me around to face him.

"Our time together has just begun, Maddy...we have a lifetime ahead of us," he said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted a soft kiss on his lips. I felt safe and protected with him; something that I had been sorely lacking for a long time.

"I love you," was all I could manage to say.

"You'd better...I paid a fortune for that ring," he said, grinning.

"Funny, Casey," I said, pulling on the rim of his baseball cap. He took me by the hand and led me back to the truck. I watched as we pulled away from the campsite, recalling everything we had done over the last three days and smiling quietly to myself as my eyes scanned the picnic table. As we drove down the highway, I could hear the familiar "ping" of my phone as it came into service. I breathed a sigh of relief and I reached into my bag and pulled it out to call my father. I hadn't spoken to him in three days. I dialed his number but got his answering machine.

"_Hi Daddy...it's me. This is the first time I've had any cell service so I'm just calling you to check in. Matthew and I are on our way back now so call me when you get this message. Love you..." _

"You OK?" said Matthew. The concern on my face must have given me away.

"It's not like him not to answer," I said as I hung up my phone and shoved it back into my bag.

"It's 10:30 on Sunday morning, Maddy. Doesn't he get together with his buddies for breakfast on Sundays?" he said.

"Yeah...you're right. I forgot," I said. Suddenly my stomach let out a loud gurgle. Matthew laughed out loud as my face turned red.

"You can tell the tiger in your tank that I'm taking you out for brunch at Big Jones," he said, still laughing. Before I could say anything, Matthew said exactly what I was thinking.

"Why don't you call Em and have her join us? I know you're dying to tell her everything," he said. Without hesitation, I took my phone back out and dialed Em's cell and promptly got her voicemail. Not unusual for 10:30 on a Sunday morning.

"_Hey Em...it's Maddy. Matthew and I are on our way back to Chicago and wondered if you'd like to join us for brunch at Big Jones...it's on North Clark Street. We'll be there in about an hour. I have a lot to tell you, so poke that fireman next to you and get a move on..."_

"I think we should move in together," said Matthew, all of a sudden. I jerked my head around to look at him, taken slightly by surprise. I hadn't really given any thought to the details of what our engagement might change until now.

"Umm...I guess...yeah, sure," I managed to stammer out. _Madeleine, you idiot._...my inner voice screamed at me.

"You don't sound too sure," he said, looking hurt.

"Crap...I'm sorry...of course I want to live with you. I just hadn't thought about how things would change before we actually got married. Where would we live?" I said.

"I'd be willing to rent or sell my house. Besides, you don't want to give up your new kitchen, do you?" he asked.

"No...definitely not. I'd like to use the same cute contractor...see if he'll put in a garden tub for me," I said smiling.

"I think he can be persuaded," he said, grinning at me. We drove for a few more minutes in silence until Matthew spoke again.

"Once we're married, we can buy a bigger house in the suburbs so our kids can have a yard to play in," he said. My head started to spin a little. He was jumping ahead way too fast for me. We'd only been reunited for two months and had been engaged for less than forty-eight hours and he was already planning where our children would grow up.

"Matthew...we haven't even set a wedding date yet!" I said, trying to bring him back down to earth a little.

"You're right, you're right...one step at a time," he said, turning his head to smile at me. His smile made me go weak in the knees. It always had. I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid over next to him. I kissed the soft three-day beard on his cheek and playfully squeezed his crotch and rested my head on his shoulder as he drove. We drove for a few more minutes before pulling over to a rest area.

"Gotta pee or something?" I asked as I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked around.

"Or something," he said as he turned to kiss me. He slowly pushed me down on the front seat, kissing me softly.

"You can't be serious. Now? Here?" I said sounding completely shocked.

"Now...and everywhere," he said as he slid his hand up under my shirt and cupped my left breast. I took off his baseball cap and tossed it on the floor of the truck, my mouth never losing contact with his. I unbuttoned his shirt and rubbed my hands across his chest and down to his belt. Just as I slid my hand down the front of his jeans, my cell phone rang.

"Son of a bitch!" Matthew yelled.

"It could be my father," I said as I struggled to get my phone out of my bag. Matthew stayed positioned on top of me as I answered it.

"Where the hell are you?" screamed Em into my ear. I mouthed the word "Emily" to him.

"Impeccable timing as always, Morrison!" Matthew yelled into the phone.

"Jesus, Mads...don't tell me you're at it again! You two are like frigging rabbits," said Em.

"We stopped to pee, Emily...we'll be there in about 15 minutes. Go in and get a table for us," I said before hanging up.

"She'll know you're lying. You only call her 'Emily' when you're annoyed with her," said Matthew.

"Just drive, Casey," I said handing him back his baseball cap. We drove for another twenty minutes and pulled into the parking lot of Big Jones to see Kelly and Em waiting for us. Em squealed as I got out of the truck and started running towards me.

"I missed you, Madster!" she said as she gave me a massive hug, squeezing the air out of my lungs.

"Jesus, Em...I've only been gone three days! Everything OK at work?" I said.

"Status quo, nothing earth shattering. Liking the Grizzly Adams thing you've got going on there, Casey," said Em. Always with a comment, that one. Matthew scratched his beard and flashed that amazing smile of his.

"You look rested, Casey. These last three days must have been what you needed," said Kelly as he shook Matthew's hand.

"What I needed was her," I heard Matthew say. We gave each other one of those smiles that meant we shared a secret that no one else knew...yet. We walked inside the restaurant and were seated at a table on the patio. We ordered our meals and a round of mimosas. When the drinks came, Kelly raised his glass in a toast.

"Here's to good friends," he said as we all clinked our glasses together.

"HOLY SHIT!" screamed Em suddenly, spraying me with her mouthful of orange juice and cava. Thank God we were seated outside or we may have been asked to leave the restaurant.

"What the hell, Bruiser!" said Kelly, looking at her in shock. She could barely speak in coherent sentences as she set her glass down and grabbed my hand.

"Look at the size of that goddamn rock! Are you two..." she said before squealing again.

"Getting married? Yes," said Matthew with a huge grin on his face. Em jumped out of her chair, pulled me up into a hug and jumped up and down, squealing like a complete lunatic.

"Congratulations, man," said Kelly as he shook Matthew's hand again. Em ran around the table and grabbed Matthew as Kelly walked around to where I was standing.

"Congratulations, Mads...I'm really happy for you," he said as he hugged me.

"When's the big day?" asked Em as we all sat back down.

"We haven't set a date yet," said Matthew.

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for?" said Em.

"I want to tell my father first," I said, suddenly becoming aware that he hadn't returned my call yet.

"We're moving in together," said Matthew as I pulled out my phone and got up from the table. I dialed my father's number. I could feel Matthew looking at me as I let the phone ring over and over and still got no answer. He squeezed my thigh as I sat back down, attempting to reassure me that everything was alright.

"We'll swing by your father's house before we go home, OK?" he leaned over and whispered in my ear as our food arrived.

"Thank you," I said as I kissed him and brushed his cheek with my hand. We ate our breakfast among talk of the firehouse, the hospital, our wedding and our weekend away, but I was painfully aware that my phone still hadn't rung by the time we'd finished.

"Maddy...stop worrying. I'm sure he's fine," said Matthew as we drove out of the parking lot and headed for my father's house.

"Yeah...it's just that I've never left town without him since I moved back here," I said. After a short drive, we pulled onto my father's street.

"See? His car isn't there. He's still out with his buddies, so relax...he'll call," said Matthew. I breathed a slight sigh of relief as we pulled away and headed for Matthew's house. I helped him unload the truck and then gathered my things and headed for my car.

"It doesn't seem right that you should leave me now," said Matthew as I placed my things in the trunk of the Cadillac.

"I know, but I have to...I have to check on things, get the mail, answer emails," I said, reluctant to really leave him now for any length of time.

"I'll start moving my stuff in this week, OK?" he asked, taking me in his arms.

"You'd better, Casey...I don't want to be away from you any longer than I have to," I said just before he kissed me goodbye.

"I love you, Coventry," he said.

I love you too, Casey," I said. kissing him again. As I opened the car door, my cell phone rang.

"I told you he'd call!" I heard Matthew say from the back of his truck. I answered it so quickly that I didn't bother to look at the caller ID.

"Daddy!" I said.

"No, Madeleine...this is Emerson Pace, the attending physician at Chicago Lakeshore Emergency," I heard him say. I had met Dr. Pace on several occasions as a caseworker at the hospital. I couldn't imagine why he'd be calling me on a Sunday afternoon when I had on-call social workers covering all shifts on the weekends.

"Yes, Dr. Pace...I remember you. What can I do for you?" I said.

"It's your father, Madeleine...he was brought in to the Emergency Room a short time ago. He's still undergoing diagnostic testing, but we think he's had a massive heart attack. He's in a coma. I would suggest you get here as soon as you can," he said. The phone went dead. The last thing I remember was Matthew calling out my name as I fell to the ground and the world went black.


End file.
